Haunted
by Queen of Shadows
Summary: Shelby POV. Everything was going so great for me but then it all went to hell when he showed up here as a new student. What am I suppose to do now that my other monster is in my sanctuary? FINISHED
1. Fear

I woke up to the sound of a familiar voice telling all of the girls that we had to get out of bed. It was Sophie, I could tell. I didn't want to get out of bed but I forced my eye lids to open and me to get up. She stood up and stretched. A yawn left my mouth without me even knowing it and I walked to the bathroom to get ready before we had to go down to breakfast.

I showered quickly and put on my dark blue bathrobe. I combed out my blonde hair, brushed my teeth and then left the bathroom to find clothes to wear. Normally, if I was at home, I would've put on some make-up then but not here. There was no make-up at Horizon so I'm stuck wearing none. At least I don't break out in pimples or anything. In my opinion, my face actually isn't that bad.

I went over to my clothes and grabbed underwear, a simple black T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. I didn't really like the jeans that I picked out for I thought they made my butt look huge but Scott liked them so I thought I'd be a nice girlfriend and wear them. I would've worn a shirt I knew he would like, too but he likes me in blue shirts and I didn't want to be wearing blue on blue.

I got dressed quickly, without showing any body parts that I didn't want scene. Years of getting naked and getting dressed on the streets kind of made me an expert at changing clothes and not showing any extra skin. Well, there's one perk from being on the street. There aren't many so if I can think of one, I'm happy.

I lay down on my bed, waiting for the rest of the girls to be done so we could leave. Well, actually, I wasn't waiting for the rest of the girls. Me and Daisy were waiting for Juliet, she always took so long getting ready. It was, like, she always needed to take 30 minute showers. How can a shower last that long? You get in, wash your body, wash and condition your hair and you get out. But, no, with Juliet she has to sit there for an extra 20 minutes doing nothing.

I lifted my head from my pillow and saw a wet spot from where my hair was. My hair needs to dry faster! I grabbed my still damp towel and started to wrap it around my hair but half way through me wrapping the towel around my hair, Juliet voice came into the air.

"Okay, I'm done." She said.

I sighed. She always had bad timing. Once I have something to do, she's ready. I wear, she does that on purpose.

I stood up and walked out of the dorm. We walked into the kitchen and looked over at the table all the Cliffhangers usually sit at and saw all the guys there eating already. They always get there earlier for we always have to wait for Juliet. It's not that we're commanded to wait for her but here there's this little saying that Peter invented so we were more like a family, "if one's down, we're all down". That saying can also go "if one's extremely slow, we're all extremely late". Why can't it ever go the other way around? Why can't it go "if everyone's ready than the one needs to learn how to pick up the pace and move their ass"? Eh, I don't make up the rules, I just have to follow them.

We grabbed our food and walked to the table. I noticed Scott watching me as I walked and smiling. I grinned and walked around the table so he could get to see my butt and that I was wearing his favorite jeans before I finally took my seat next to him. I loved teasing him. It was always so fun. And easy.

At breakfast we all kind of had a normal routine. Juliet gave her sausage and bacon to Auggie, Daisy took Ezra's hashbrowns and gave her bacon to him, David got Daisy's sausage and Scott got mine, sometimes I would give Scott my bacon too but today I didn't. I wanted my bacon today. Especially because it didn't seem to taste like rubber. The breakfast actually tasted kind of good. The food tasting good here is a rare luxury so none of us wasted it.

"So I hear we have to a new kid today." David said.

"We get new kids here almost every day." Ezra said.

"I mean in our group."

"Oh."

"Anyone know anything about 'em?" Auggie asked.

"No. I just heard we have a new Cliffhanger. He came in this morning." David said.

"How do you know these things?" I asked. David always seemed to know things before the rest of us, it's like he's a spy or something.

"I have my ways." He responded.

"How very cryptic of you."

"What can I say? I don't want to give away my secrets."

I rolled my eyes and looked at Scott. He seemed to be very interested in his bacon but not in eating it, he was just poking it with his fork. I blinked a couple of times and tried to make sense of why he's been so quiet today but gave up when I couldn't think of anything.

"What's up?" I asked him.

Me saying something seemed to break him out of whatever train of thought he had at the time and he jumped slightly. I gave him a weird look. I think I made it look more like worry than confusion though. He looked at me and smiled.

"Relax, Shelby. You don't have to worry. I'm just thinking about some stuff." He responded as he lifted his hand and cupped my face. I leaned into his hand and let out a gentle sigh.

"Are you sure I don't have to worry?" I asked, looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

That was enough for me. I shut up and dropped the conversation. If he wanted to talk to me about something than he would come to me but until then, I wasn't going to push.

"Hey, you guys, before you go to History today I want you all in the lodge to meet a student that's going to be in the Cliffhangers with you guys." Peter said.

Wait. When did he get here? Did I miss something? He must have come right after I got lost in Scott's eyes and smile. That tended to happen to me a lot lately.

We all nodded.

"I told we had a new student." David said with a smirk.

I swear, he's so strange. Okay, so, we had to go to the lodge after breakfast. No problem. That's where we always went before we went to our first class anyways for we had about half an hour before we had to be in class.

I took a last bite of bacon and a last drink of orange juice and stood up to into the lodge. Everyone else was done eating so they all stood up to go, too. Scott grabbed my hand as we walked but he stayed a little bit behind me for some reason. Was he looking at my butt or something? Well, he does like it in these jeans so he might be. Who knows? Why do I care? It's not like it's something he hasn't done before.

I sat down in one of the many chairs that were waiting for us so we could meet the new student. Scott sat down next to me, still holding onto my hand, and Daisy sat on the other side of me. I didn't really pay attention to where everyone else sat as long as I knew who was sitting next to me.

Sophie walked in first, followed by Peter and...oh, God, it's him. I felt my body tense up and I squeezed Scott's hand. I felt my eyes grow hot with unshed tears and my whole body tightened. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach, one that I couldn't really describe but I knew what it was: Fear.

My other monster was here. Walt was my monster at home, Josh was my monster on the streets. No. This wasn't suppose to happen! Horizon is my safe place. I'm not suppose to have him in my safe place. I can't! I had no idea what to do. His file probably didn't say anything about what he liked to do to girls. What should I do? Should I tell Peter what Josh had done to me? Should I stay quiet and hope that he's stopped and doesn't do that anymore? Should I hide my face and hope that he doesn't recognize me? I didn't know anything right now and I didn't like it!

I looked down and tried to hide my face but when I risked a quick glance up, I saw him watching me and knew that he recognized me. After all, how couldn't he? After everything he did to me, he would have to remember.

"Okay. Everyone this is Josh. He's new here obviously so I want you all to make him feel welcome. Now how about you go around and introduce yourselves. Nothing big, just your names for starters. Daisy, why don't you start and we'll go clockwise." Sophie said.

Going clockwise meant that I was last. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing right now. I looked at Scott and saw him looking seriously at me. I think he noticed that I tensed when I saw Josh. Shit. What am I going to say to him about that? If I tell him the truth, he'll kill Josh but I'm not sure that's too bad of an idea.

Everyone went around saying there names. Scott said his and now it was my turn. What's the point in me saying my name? He knows it already. But no one knows that. Maybe if I pretend like nothing happened with him, he'll pretend like nothing happened with me. Knowing Josh, that wouldn't happen but it was worth a shot.

"My name's Shelby." I said simply. "Can we go to class now, Peter?"

"You want to go to class? God. You must really want to get out of here." Peter said with a smile.

"I'm bored of sitting here. At least in class there's something to do." I made up a stupid lie. I didn't care how dumb it sounded, if it got me away from him than it worked well enough for me.

"Sure, you guys can go. Wait. Anyone want to be Josh's first week buddy?"

No one raised there hands. None of us ever want to be first week buddies but I especially didn't want to be with Josh. Good thing Peter usually sticks with same sex buddies so they can go into the dorms with each other and everything. Oh, now I really didn't want Scott to have to be his first week buddy. If Josh noticed Scott and I were together than Josh would purposely piss Scott off and he was good at pissing people off.

"Scott, how about you?" Peter asked.

Scott shrugged. I don't think he cared either way.

I think Peter was be able to read minds or something. It always seems like he knew exactly what I was thinking and that he did the opposite of what I want just to get to me. It's probably not true but it's something to think about.

"Okay then Scott, you're going to be Josh's first week buddy." Peter said.

"Okay. Class now?" I asked again.

"Yeah. You guys get to class."

I let go of Scott's hand and rushed out of the lodge. I kept my pace just below a run as I sped to my first class. All of the Cliffhangers had it together so me rushing was pointless for I would still have to face them, most importantly Scott, later but for right now, I just needed to not deal with it.

I walked into class and saw that Jeff wasn't there yet. Plus for me. I closed the door behind and leaned against it. I let my body slide down the wood of the door and I closed my eyes slowly. I forced tears not to fall. I took in a deep breath and counted to 10 slowly, a little trick Sophie showed me to calm down, and I stood up. I walked over to my chair and took a seat. Everyone came into the room and took their seats like I'd done.

My eyes wondered the room as I half listened to Jeff talking about something that happen in Russia like 500 years ago. It's in the past so I wasn't going to bother listening when I had bigger things to worry about in the present.

My attention was brought back to the desk in front of me when I saw a folded piece of paper in front of me. I unfolded it silently so Jeff wouldn't noticed and read the note.

**Shelby, **

**What's going on? I'm worried about you. Talk to me, please.**

**-Scott.**

Great. I knew it was only a matter of time until he asked me about it but I didn't think it would be this soon. I guess I was really obvious in the lodge earlier. I sighed and picked up my pen. I wasn't sure what I should write. I knew I couldn't tell him the truth, not yet at least but I had to tell him something. I wrote back to Scott.

**Scott,**

**You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine. Really, there's nothing going on. I'll talk to you after class though.**

**-Shelby.**

I passed the note back and watched Scott as he read it. He turned to me and nodded which meant that we would talk after class. Good. That gave me a whole half an hour to think about what I was going to say to him.

Class went by way to quickly. The one day I wanted it to go slow, it seemed like it ended so fast. The half an hour I thought I had was now gone and I still hadn't thought of anything to say to Scott. Before I could think of anything, Scott grabbed my hand as I walked out of the door. He gently pulled me to a random bench outside. He looked at me and I knew he was going to ask me what was wrong again but I stopped him.

"Nothing's wrong with me, Scott. Really." I said and tried to sound convicing.

"I saw how you tensed up when you saw that new guy. What's wrong?" He asked and sounded worried. Why was he worried?

"It's a long story," I said and sounded tired.

"We have time,"

"Maybe later. I have to go."

I stood up and left Scott at the bench. I walked to my next class and forced myself to concentrate on the Chemistry that was being showed to us.

* * *

My day went by slow and it ended with me seeing Josh as I walked to the dorm that night. He watched me as I walked and I knew that he saw me looking at him, too. I forced myself to look away from him and rushed into the dorm.

God! I hated that I was so afraid of him. I had so much fear of him yet in a strange way, I was entranced by him. I couldn't take my eyes off of him when I saw him and I had my mind on him all day. What was wrong with me?

* * *

(**A/N**)- A new story, obviously. I know I kind of rushed into this story but I wanted to get it going quickly. Please, everyone, let me know what you think of this story. I'd like to know what everyone thinks of this story idea and of my POV so please review. Thanks!


	2. Reflections

**Disclaimer**

I realized that I didn't put a discalimer up for the start of this story so I'm doing it now. I'm not getting paid and I don't own Higher Ground. I do, however, own two cats and a dog if anyone cares.

* * *

I woke up earlier than anyone else or before Sophie woke us up. I couldn't sleep. I've been like that ever since Josh showed up here the other day. I couldn't sleep the first night he was here and I'm surprised I managed to get the one hour of sleep I got last night. Night's were never exactly good for me no matter which monster I was with.

I sighed deeply and tossed my covers off of me. I got out of bed and went for the bathroom to shower. I just had to make sure I was quiet for I didn't want to wake the others up. That would bring along questions and I was already getting hassled by Daisy and Scott, I didn't need anyone else to question me about my sudden behavior change.

I undressed and stepped into the shower. I turned the water on and made the water hotter than I usually did. I didn't have to worry about using all the hot water for no one else was going to be showering for a couple of hours so I enjoyed it. The water steamed around me. I tilted my head back under the water and got my hair wet as I let out another sigh.

I let the hot, hard water beat against my bare back as I started to think about Josh. I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip as I practically relived everything with him.

**Flashback**

_I woke up in a large bed covered in cerulean blue, silk sheets and he was standing right in front of me in all his glory. He had no clothes covering his almost perfect body. Every muscle on his tan body defined. His brown hair was spiked, like always, and the darkness of it brought out the darkness of his brown eyes. He really was a picture if I ever saw one. _

"_Did you enjoy last night?" Josh asked me as I was still silenced by him. "I know I did."_

_Him asking me that made my hands travel my upper body. As I found the cuts on my belly, I winced in pain. I forced myself not to show anymore pain after that as I looked up at him and smiled. I didn't say anything even though I knew I wanted to make a sarcastic remark towards his question but I also knew that if I did, he wouldn't pay as much so I kept my mouth shut._

_He grabbed his leather wallet, pulled out several hundred dollar bills and threw them on the bed at me. I grabbed the money and stood from the bed. I got dressed quickly as he watched me do so._

"_Now, I want you out of here before they get home but I want you back tonight." Josh said. I knew the 'they' were his parents but they went out every night so he always had the mansion to himself. _

_I nodded._

_He was my highest paying customer and I wasn't going to turn down his offer. Almost a thousand for sex and a little pain? I was fine with it. I took what I could get._

_Josh came really close to me to the point where our chests were touching. I had to look up for his 6' towered over my 5'5. He leaned down and kissed me harshly on the lips. I don't know when but he raised his hands, put one on each arm and gripped hard. I knew I'd have bruises from him. He took his mouth off mine as I let out a small sound of pain from his grip which he wouldn't release._

"_If you scream tonight, I'll tip you." He whispered to me so close to my face that I could feel his breath on my skin._

_He let go of my arms harshly and I didn't waist any time getting out of the house._

**End Flashback**

I had to wipe tears off of my face. I knew it was pointless for I was wet anyhow but I think it was just out of instinct.

God! Why did I let him do those things to me. I knew it was wrong then just as much as I do now but I still allowed it to happen. I could've said 'no' at anytime and he would've stopped. At least, he said he would've. He always told me that he didn't like it when I didn't. He liked my screaming in pain but he thought I was enjoying it just as much as he was. Boy, he was so wrong.

I started to cry in the shower. I rested myself against the shower wall as the tears streamed down my already wet face and the sobs left my mouth. I moved my hand to my belly and felt the familiar scars across them. They were still there from one of the many times Josh had cut me. Feeling the cuts just made my crying even more intensely.

"Shelby?" Juliet asked.

Wait. When did she come in here? Shit. She heard me crying. She had to of. What the hell am I going to say to her?

I straitened myself, took in a deep breath and wiped the tears away once again on instinct.

"Shelby?" Juliet asked again.

"Yeah?" I responded and tried to make my voice sound normal.

"Are you okay? I thought I heard you crying."

"I'm fine,"

"Are you sure?"

"Look, I said I was fine so just leave me alone." It sounded harsh even to me.

"Fine!" Juliet said and started to storm off.

"Wait!" I said before I could stop myself. I heard Juliet stop. "Look, yes, I was crying."

"Why?" She asked. Why did she always have to know the why?

"It's not important. Why don't you go back to sleep? You can still sleep for a while longer." I know, it was lame but I didn't care.

"Well, what are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"You haven't been able to sleep a lot lately." She made it a statement, not a question.

"Have I been waking you up?" I sounded sincere. I thought I was being pretty quiet when I would go somewhere, I guess not.

"Kinda," Juliet responded through a yawn.

"I'm sorry. I'll try and be more quiet."

"Why haven't you been sleeping?"

"What is this, group?" I snapped. I really needed to learn how to not do that.

"Sorry." Juliet said softly.

"No, it's okay. You have every right to be curious but can I just be left alone right now?" I asked.

"Yeah, no problem." And with that Juliet left and, I assume, went back to bed.

Wait. Did that just happen? Was I really just being semi nice to little miss princess?

I shook my head and got out of the shower. I don't remember if I even washed my hair. Damn it! I hate it when I think about things in the shower. I either forget to wash my hair or I wash it twice and then Peter talks to me about using all the shampoo.

I got dressed quickly. I put on a pair of jeans and a simple blue shirt. I wasn't planning on impressing anyone today so I really didn't care what I looked like. I brushed my hair and teeth and that was it. I had nothing left to do for the morning and I had over an hour until breakfast. There are some negatives to being up early: nothing to do to!

I grabbed my shoes and put them. I checked to make sure everyone was still asleep and I didn't wake up queenie and walked out the door.

Outside still had the morning coolness and the moisture in the air. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in through my nose and breathed in the fresh scent of morning in the mountains; everything's so fresh and real. I heard birds chirping form the trees and that was just another thing I loved about morning here. I wasn't even sure how to describe it but this was definitely one of the positives to waking up early.

I walked around the grounds and everything felt so familiar but there was one thing different: this was no longer my sanctuary. Horizon was always my safe place, my place where I never had to worry about Walt, the streets, Josh, anything but now that Josh was here, I worried. I can't believe he's here and as an actual student.

I walked over to the docks and sat down on one of the many benches. I looked into the water and kind of blanked out. I was in almost a completely different world for a little while and it was nice. I was in a world where I had no problems. All it was was Scott and me together. I smiled at my perfect world but then I was taken out of it as quickly as I went into it.

"Hello," Josh said in a voice that crawled up my spine.

He was sitting next to me on the bench way too close for me to be comfortable but I also knew that If I pulled away and he was still keeping up with old habits that I would have bruises on my arms by nightfall.

I scanned him up and down and realized that he hadn't changed much. He was still the handsome, rich sexual predator he always was. I looked up into his eyes and was almost entranced. I remember looking into those eyes as he was above me and either screwing me or hurting me, usually both at the same time. I finally drew my eyes away and let a shaky breath out.

"Good to know I can still have that affect on you, _ma cherie_" Josh said added the last with a fake, and rather impressive, French accent.

I knew that I flinched at the familiar nickname even though I tried my hardest to seem unaffected my it. It was what he always use to call me. 'My Beloved'. It wasn't fitting at all but he still always called me that.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"You should know I was always a morning person." He responded simply.

"But you're still new here. You're not suppose to go anywhere without your first week buddy. Where's Scott?"

"Oh. Him? He's back in the dorm asleep still, I assume."

I nodded and tried to look like I didn't care but I knew that my facial expressions were betraying me and showing that I cared greatly for Scott.

"Like him, do you?" Josh asked.

"Who?" I asked back even though I knew very well who he was talking about.

"Scott. Now don't be stupid." He added the last a little bit more harshly.

"Why do you ask?"

"He told me that you were 'off limits' to me and that you were his girl." Josh came closer and whispered in my ear, "If only he knew."

I felt a shiver go down my back. I wasn't sure if it was from him whispering, what he whispered or the closeness of him that caused that shiver but it was definitely from him.

I stood up and stepped away from him. I could tell by the expression on his face that he didn't like it but I kept myself a few feet away from him. He smiled at me, that same smile he always had when it was directed to me. The smile was so much more than a normal smile, it had a darkness behind it. I shook my head and ran away from him.

I rushed into the kitchen and ran right into Peter. We both let out surprised gasps.

"What are you doing up so early?" He asked me.

"Oh. I couldn't sleep." I responded only half lying.

"Why were you in such a rush?"

"No reason." I lied.

"Okay. You shouldn't be wandering the grounds you know."

"I know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." At least I wasn't lying again. After the encounter I just had, I wasn't going to do it again for fear of running into him again.

Peter smiled and walked away. I think he was heading back to his office but I couldn't be sure and I didn't really care at the moment.

I sat down at the normal Cliffhanger table and put my head in my hands. What's wrong with me? I was so afraid of him and for no reason. He wouldn't try something here, would he? No. He probably knew that if he did he would get kicked out. Maybe that's what he wanted though. I didn't know and I hated being so completely lost.

My head shot up from my hands as I heard someone walk in the door. I hoped it wasn't Josh and I was half relieved when I saw it wasn't Josh alone, it was all of the Cliffhangers coming in to start breakfast for we were on kitchens today. I saw Scott smile at me.

He walked over to me and said, "Come on. We gotta start breakfast."

I nodded.

"All right. I'll be there in a minute." I said.

I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to argue about my reluctance to be around him lately but he didn't. Wise choice on his part. I wasn't in the mood to argue with him.

I took in a deep breath, stood up and walked to the back so I could help everyone else start breakfast. I positioned myself as far away from Josh as I could get but unfortunately, that meant being far away from Scott, too.

Scott noticed that I had purposely put space between us and gave me a questioning look. I shook my head, looked away from him and went back to cooking the bacon I was in charge of.

* * *

"So, today's your first day actually having to participate in group?" Ezra asked Josh through a bite of fruit at breakfast.

Josh looked annoyed but answered anyhow, "Yeah."

"It's not that bad. Since today's your first day, Sophie will probably go easy." Juliet said.

"Great," Josh said sarcastically, not enthused.

I stayed quiet through the whole meal. I saw everyone, most notably Scott, cast glances my way through out the entire meal but I still stayed quiet. I had nothing to say. All I could think about was Josh and, frankly, it was starting to piss me off. I didn't want to think about him but it was as if I had no choice.

"Come on, guys, we got group." Scott said and stood up from the table.

Everyone, including myself, followed Scott into the lodge and sat down in our normal chairs for group.

"Okay. Since this is Josh's first day actually participating in group, we're going to go easy; just go around, state your name and why you're here. You too, Josh." Sophie said and sat down in an empty chair. "Scott, why don't you start us off and then we'll go to Juliet."

Going in that order, once again, put me last.

"I'm Scott and I'm here because I got into drugs." Scott said and knew that he wasn't going to be forced to talk about Elaine.

"I'm Juliet and I'm here because I'm bulimic and a cutter." Juliet said and actually managed to sound upset. I thought that was kind of impossible for her, she always seemed so happy all the time.

"Name's Auggie and I was a tagger." Auggie said kind of dismissivly.

"My name is Josh and I'm here because I have anger issues, or so my parents say." Josh said. I rolled my eyes at him and added, and because you like to pick favorite prostitutes and hurt them as you fuck them!

"David and I think I have anger issues or something like that." David said not showing much interest in group. I saw Sophie give him a stern look and he straitened up a little. "All right. When my Mother refused to home school me, I beat the crap out of some kid at school, ditched, drank a lot and did some drugs. There ya go."

"I'm Ezra. I'm here because my parents didn't like how comfortable I was getting with drugs." Ezra said.

"My name is Daisy and I am here because when my father tried to physically hurt me, I hit him with his golf club." Daisy said and almost managed to sound proud at the fact.

Great. Now it was my turn.

"I'm Shelby and I'm here because I ran away a lot." I said. I didn't really feel there was a need to tell anymore for Josh already knew everything about me.

"And turned tricks on the streets." Josh added from across from me.

I glared at him coldly. I really wished he wasn't going to do this. I don't know what I'll do if he talks about what he did to me, about what I allowed him to do to me. I shook my head. Everyone was looking at him but was looking directly at me. He knew that I didn't want him to say anything but the only this he did in return to my plea was give that wicked smile.

"How do you know that?" Ezra asked. I don't think he could help himself.

"Oh me and Shelby go way back. Don't we?" Josh said, his eyes still on me and that smile still dancing across his lips. Basterd!

Everyone turned to me now. I didn't know what to say. I froze up. My eyes were still on Josh. I could tell that he noticed my pleading to stay quiet. He leaned back in his chair and stayed quiet after that. Was he actually going to shut up now? Good. Now why couldn't he have done that a few moments ago!

I did my best to ignore all the looks I was receiving and looked at Sophie.

"Can I go now?" I asked her impatiently.

"Yeah. You guys can go." Sophie said and seemed to still be shocked.

I rushed out of the lodge and Scott followed after me. I heard him screaming my name but I ignored him. He was suppose to be with Josh anyhow for he was his first week buddy and wasn't suppose to leave him. He still followed me. He finally reached me and grabbed my arm, turning me around to face him.

"You know him?" Scott asked exasperated.

"Yes, I know him." I said for I knew lying right now would be pointless.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

"'Cause we didn't exactly know each other on the best of terms now I would rather not talk about if you don't mind!" My words were nice but I knew my tone wasn't.

I jerked my arm out of Scott's grip and rushed away from. Why was I pushing him away? He's the best thing that ever happened to me. What was I doing?

I rushed over to the equipment shed, walked into it and slammed the door behind me. The impact of the door slamming caused something to fall but I didn't pay attention to what it was. I kicked something that was on the floor out of rage and fell to the ground. I tried my hardest not to cry but I lost and tears started to trail down my face.

Why did he have to let out that we knew each other? Was this a new torture that he made up just for me? Why was he doing this to me!

* * *

(**A/N**)- First off, thanks for all of the wonderful reviews from: **Melms213**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GohstWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, and** HC Lvr**. I'm happy you all enjoyed this story so far.

**Mandy**, This story isn't reallya 'Shelby was raped' story but it may seem like that at times. But Shelby wasn't nor will she be raped in this story.

Okay, I have a new rating. This story will be going on and off between T and M. As everyone can probably tell, this story is very dark and will have lots of sexual content. I'm saying this now so no one is going to be telling me 'oh my god! this should be rated M'. As I update each chapter, I will have at the top what the chapter is rated whether it be T or M.

Please review whether it be good or bad. Thanks!


	3. Scream for Me

Chapter is rated M for a scene of sexual nature and just because it's a very dark chapter.

* * *

I was finally able to sleep again, it was my first night actually going to sleep at lights out but then my sleep was disturbed by a dream. It wasn't so much a dream as a memory I was having as I lay asleep.

**dream**

_Josh stood in front of me. He had only jeans on having just discarded his shirt. I stood before him still fully dressed. He always liked to take my clothes off himself so by then I'd learned to keep them on unlike with my other customers. I was wearing a short black skirt and a dark blue, satin top that might as well have not been there for it showed so much. I had on thigh-high hose covering my legs. I didn't see much of a point in me wearing hose but he liked taking them off so I shut up and dealt with it. He picked out the clothes, not me._

_He motioned me to go onto the bed and I did just as I was instructed to. I slid onto the blood red silk sheets and almost fell off. I don't care how easy it may look in the movies, it's very difficult to go onto silk and not slide off when one's wearing hose._

_My slipping created a smile on Josh's face. He slid onto the bed just like I had done but he did nearly fall off. He just came over to me. I was laying down so he was half above me, half next to me as he started to take off my clothes slowly._

_The thigh-highs went first. He traced up my thigh with his hands so slowly that it sent shivers up my back._

_He moved up my body until he reached the shirt and slowly took that off, touching my breasts while doing so. My nipples hardened under his touch. No matter how much hated him, my body still always responded to his touch; I could never control it._

_His hands traveled my upper body and his fingers found the cuts on my belly from him. He traced over them, knowing that it would hurt me. I cried out in pain as he touched one of the more fresh cuts. He loved when my made sounds of pain. I could tell, for every time I would, a smile would creep onto his face._

_Josh stood up from the bed and discarded the last of his clothes. He threw them to the side and came back onto the bed. This time he went right on top of me but not to the point where he could enter. He kept himself high enough above me and looked down at me._

_I hated that look. I became to know all to well. It was a look that said he was going to hurt me and take pleasure in it. The sex I could handle easily for he was actually very good at it but the pain got worse and more intense with every visit. He would squeeze harder and cut deeper trying to get me to scream louder._

_Josh moved one of his hands, still holding himself up with the other, and pulled the skirt down. The skirt was still around my ankles but I kicked it off of me easily enough._

_His hand traveled between my legs. Once again, my body reacted to his touch just like he knew it would. He could do wonders with his hands, mouth and everything else. If it wasn't for the pain he loved to inflict, he would be the perfect guy. He was attractive, rich, great in bed and charming at times; everything a girl could ever ask for._

_His hand left from between my legs and he slid off of me. He turned over so that he was partially sitting up against the bed post but still laying down on his back._

_I gave him a confused look. What was he doing?_

_"I was you on top." He said as if he read my mind._

_I blinked a few times, still confused. He never liked it when I was on top. He always said it took the dominance out of it, whatever that meant._

_I didn't argue though. I moved over so that I was on top of him but I still didn't let him enter me. I knew if that's what he wanted right then that he would've said so. Until he said I could, I wasn't going to._

_He grabbed my arms fiercely and pulled very close to him. The next thing I knew his lips were on my in a bruising kiss. His tongue fought it's way between my lips and into my mouth. The only way to make the pain of the kiss decrease was to kiss back, so I did. I opened my mouth to him and shoved my tongue into his mouth as well._

_He must have liked that I gave in for the kiss deepened and his hands released my arms. I thought that his letting go of the grip would be good, but it wasn't. He only let go of my arms to move to my breast. He grabbed them so hard to the point where I knew I'd have fresh bruised over to the ones I already had there from him._

_I pulled away from the kiss abruptly as I let out a soft moan of pain._

_Josh smiled._

_"I want to feel myself inside you." He stated._

_I knew what that meant. He was ready for me to be on top and let him enter me. I bit my bottom lip and did as I was told._

_I maneuvered myself so that I could easy move up and down. I slowly slid on him and let out a sharp breath, almost a scream._

_His hands moved away from my breast and to my waist. They went strait past my waist and went to my butt. He squeezed it tightly and helped my move my body. He squeezed harder and harder until I let a out a scream of pain._

_"Yes," Josh said. "Scream for me, Shelby."_

**end dream**

I shot up in my bed and took in a shard breath. I looked over at the time and saw that I almost had a full night of sleep, I was only about an hour off. I was still breathing heavily but as I sat there, my breath became normal again.

I shook my head and tried to get the dream out of my head but it did no good. It was still there. It was just a normal bad dream to me. This had actually happened to me before. And the worst part about it was: I let it. I could've said 'no' at any time and Josh would've stopped. At least, he said he would've. But I still allowed it to happen and all because he was rich and paid a lot.

I'm disgusting!

I threw my covers off of me and went into the bathroom for a shower. Hopefully, that would get the dream out of my head.

I turned on the water and stepped into the shower. The water pounded onto my back and it felt so good but I still couldn't get the dream out of my head.

I washed my body as if trying to wash away my past, all the filth I have on me from the things I'd done but it did nothing. I stood there in the shower thinking what a waste, I'm never going to get clean. There's nothing I could ever do that would erase the things I've done. Most people say that in the way of the things they've done to other people but I'm saying it in the things I've done to myself, the things I allowed happen to me.

I shampooed and conditioned my hair and got out of the shower. I dried myself off and wrapped around my bath robe. It pulled it protectively around me and tried my best to get the memory out of my head, but I couldn't. All I could do was hear Josh's words to me.

"_Yes, scream for me, Shelby"_

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

My eyes were shot open when I heard the bathroom door open. It was Daisy. She seemed surprised to see me.

"What are you doing up?" She asked me.

"Oh. I, uh, couldn't sleep." I've been using that excuse a lot.

"Because of the dream you just had?"

I looked at her shocked. How did she know about the dream?

"I know you were having a dream. I could hear you making noises in your sleep and then I saw you wake up like that. What happened?" She asked the last in a very worried manner.

"It was nothing." I said and managed to sound believable.

"If it was nothing than you wouldn't have woken up like that." Daisy responded with arched eyebrows.

"It just bugged me," I retorted.

"Dreams pass in time," Daisy said calmly.

"This one won't" I said softly, looking away.

"Why not?"

"'Cause it was just a dream."

"Then what was it?"

"A memory," I responded and looked at her.

"Of what?" Daisy asked, still calm. She wasn't pushing, I could tell. I think she was just worried about me. What else is new? Everyone's worried about me lately.

"I'd really rather not talk about it." I wasn't lying at all.

It's not like I'm avoiding the subject, at least not to Daisy. To Scott maybe, but never to Daisy. She always accepted me with no question. But I really didn't want to talk about it then. I was still so shaken up by the dream that I didn't think I could really tell anyone about it. And, even if I did tell her, than I'd have to explain everything with Josh and that was a conversation for another time, a time very far from now.

Who am I kidding?

I have to tell everyone sooner or later, right? I knew I couldn't hide it forever but I was going to hide it for as long as I could.

"No problem," Daisy said. "Just whenever you want to talk, you know I'm here for you."

"I know," I replied and smile. She would always be there for me. She truly was my best friend.

"And you know I'm not the only person who's here for you."

"You mean Peter and Sophie?" I think she was talking about Scott but I didn't want that to be the topic.

"Actually, I was talking about Scott but they're here for you, too."

"I know he's there for me. It's just...I'm not ready to talk about it."

"I understand, but you have to tell him something. He's really worried about you."

"I know. This whole thing with Josh is just too confusing." Shit! I just said who it was about. How could I let something like that slip from my mouth. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

"So it is about Josh." Daisy stated.

"Yes, it's about him. When he said that me and him go way back, he wasn't joking." I said calmly.

"I never thought he was." Daisy said.

Before we could continue our conversation anymore, Juliet walked into the bathroom with a yawn. Her eyes were bloodshot and one could see that she was still very tired. She looked at Daisy and myself and looked confused.

"What are you two doing up already?" She asked and yawned again.

"We were just talking." Daisy said before I could respond.

"Okay. Well, we have to be in the kitchens in an hour. So.." Another yawn. "I need to shower and get ready."

"How can you possibly take that long to get ready when we don't have any type of cosmetics to play with?" I asked. I never really did understand what took her so freakin' long besides her almost half hour long showers.

Juliet glared at me and with how tired she was and how bad she look right now, I didn't argue. With how crabby she was right now for all I know, she would've smacked me. It's not like she hit hard or anything but I dind't feel like getting into a fight with the little Princess at 7:00 a.m.

"Fine," I said and walked out of the bathroom to find clothes.

I got dressed and with this much time left over, I normally would've went out and walked down to the docks but considering what had happened last time, I decided not to even try. I wanted to stay away from him as much as I could.

After getting dressed, I lay back down on my bed. A sigh left my lips and I thought back to what Daisy said.

"_You have to tell him something."_

I know I had to tell Scott something. But what? What could I really tell him without giving away everything? It's not that I don't want him to know it's just...well I don't want him to know. I'm stupid for that, yes, but it's true.

I finally got him looking at me normally again. It took months after he found out that I had sex with men for money to get him to look at me normally again. I didn't even want to think about what it would be like if he found out that not only did I have sex with them but I let one of them hurt me while doing it, too.

"Okay, I'm done. Let's us." Juliet said and sounded like her normal, happy-go-lucky self.

Was I really thinking about that for an hour or did she get ready faster than usual? Oh. Who cares? I don't need to think about anything else right now. One more thing and I'd get a head ache, I could tell.

* * *

We walked into the kitchen and got our food. Maybe I would actually eat today. Every since Josh showed up it seemed like my food intake had been cut in half, maybe even less than half.

Sat down with Scott on one side of my and Auggie on the other. I felt somewhat safe between the two men but the fact that Josh was on the other side of the table still made me scared.

I looked up and saw Josh sitting directly across from me. He had that devilish smile dancing across his face and it sent shivers through out my whole body. I looked down at his hand as he held his fork in it. I remember everything--the good and the bad--he use to do with those hands and I got goose bumbs up my arms.

"_Yes, scream for me, Shelby"_

It kept echoing through out my mind and I couldn't get rid of it. I shook my head slightly and tried to be rid of it but it did no good. I closed my eyes and tried to force it out of my mind but it wouldn't leave. I opened my eyes and looked at Josh. He was still grinning but now it was as if he knew exactly what dream I had and exactly what I was hearing in my mind right now.

"Shelby," Scott asked concerned. "You okay?"

My attention bolted from Josh to Scott but I was still hearing Josh's words in my head. I didn't trust my voice to speak so I only nodded to Scott.

"Shelby, you're shaking." Scott said, even more concerned.

I looked down at my hands and saw that they were trembling. My whole body was shaking.

"I guess I am." I said softly, not really meaning to say it out loud.

"Shelby," Scott started but I raised my shaking hand to silence him.

"Meet me by the docks, after group, before class." I said to him and walked away.

I couldn't bear to be by Josh anymore. His words going through my head were enough, I didn't need him to be there in person. It was just too much to deal with.

I walked into the lodge and sat in the chairs that were already set up for group. I put my head in my hands and a frustrated sigh left my lips. It was only a dream, why was it bothering me so much.

I lifted my head up as all the Cliffhangers made their way into the lodge and saw the reason why this dream was getting to me. It wasn't a dream at all. It really happened to me and it happened all because of him; the bastard who just sat down in a chair across from me.

Sophie came into the lodge and looked at us all. She smiled, like she always did.

"Okay. Morning group is canceled today. Peter suggested it. He thought everyone needed a little bit of a break." Sophie said and was looking directly at me.

Everyone, my ass.

I wasn't going to fight it though. I was happy with not having group right now. Peter was right, I did need a break from constantly having to express my feelings and thoughts in front of Josh. Especially because my feelings right then were that I was scared to death of him and that I wanted him to die and burn in hell; not exactly something I'm suppose to talk about in group.

I looked up at Scott quickly and then nodded to Sophie. I walked out of the lodge and went down by the docks where I told Scott to meet me. I had no idea what the hell I was going to say to him but Daisy was right, I had to tell him something. I couldn't just keep avoiding him or keep telling him lies.

I sat down on one of the benches and looked into the water. I grabbed a small rock I saw on the bench and dropped in into the water. I watched the ripples from where the rock dropped and I think a smile actually slipped onto my face. The simplicity of something in my life at that moment made me feel, for just a second, somewhat normal.

I gaze was taken away from the water as Scott came up behind me. I looked up at him and he sat down next to me.

"What did you need to talk to me about?" Scott asked me and I could tell by his tone that he was hoping I was going to explain everything.

"Uh..is he here with you?" I asked, ignoring his question.

"No. I told him to stay in the lodge."

"You're his first week buddy though. You're not suppose to leave him at any time until the week's over." I don't know why I was arguing the fact but I was. I think I was just looking for an excuse not to have to talk to him.

"Well, the week's up tomorrow. I think he'll be fine." Scott said, looking at me seriously. "Shel, what did you need to talk to me about?"

Well, here goes nothing. I'll try and do my best to explain things with out giving away too much.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you and everything. It has nothing to do with you. It's just, while you're around him, I don't want to be around you 'cause I don't want to be around him. Does that make sense?" I think this was going to be one of those conversations where I just keep going in circles and make no sense.

"Yeah, that makes sense. But, no offense, Shelby, it's not just me you've been avoiding. Me mostly, yeah, but you've been avoiding everyone. Tell me what's going on." Scott said.

He wrapped his arm around my and pulled my close to him. I felt so safe in his arms and I loved it. I felt my whole body relax and everything seemed to just go so still. It was very nice for one time this week to not feel scared.

"Oh. Now isn't this touching." I heard Josh's voice say and I felt my body immediately tense again.

I lifted myself off of Scott and both him and me stood up from the bench to look at Josh.

"What are you doing here?" Scott asked with a tint of anger in his voice.

"Now, now, Scott. Don't get angry with me. I'm just following the rules. I'm not suppose to leave your sight until tomorrow." Josh said to Scott but smiled at me.

"I think you can manage, now go away." Scott commanded.

Josh didn't like being told what to do. I knew from personal experience and I could tell by the look that flashed in his eyes just then that that was something that wasn't going to change.

"I don't like being ordered around, it makes me angry. And you don't want to see me when I get angry." Josh said with a coldness to his voice now, a coldness I had grown to learn all to well.

"Oh. No. I'm shaking with fear." Scott said sarcastically.

"Yeah, that's what your girlfriend said." Josh replied and looked to me.

I had both men looking at me now. Scott confused and concerned while Josh was just angry and cold.

"That is was you use to say, right, Shelby? I can't be positive though. I mean, you used so many different variations of that phrase numerous times. It's hard to keep track." Josh said with his eyes still on me.

My eyes started to burn with unshed tears that were just waiting to fall. I wasn't going to let them leave my eyes. I'll be damned if I let Josh see me cry right then.

I looked back and forth to Josh and Scott with the same looks on both of their faces.

"Shelby, what's he talking about?" Scott asked.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything. It's not that I didn't know what to say, even though that was true too, but it was my as if my voice had disappeared. I tried to speak but nothing came out.

I looked at Scott again and then back to Josh. He had that smile on his face. He know what he'd just done. He knows that he just caused problems between me and Scott and that I would be going through hell because of he'd just said.

I didn't know what to do so I ran away. I ran away from Scott and Josh and left them standing there. Josh to stand in glory and Scott to stand in shock. I knew I shouldn't have just left Scott there without explaining a damn thing but I didn't know what to say or how to say it and I simply ran.

I learned that I was good at running away. It didn't solve anything but it was something I was good at. Now why couldn't I ever be good at something that would actually help a situation?

I ran into the girls dorm and threw myself onto the floor. I didn't even reach my bed before I had to stop and bawl on the ground.

Damn him! Once I finally got enough strength to tell Scott even the slightest bit about what had happened, he comes along and screws it all up again.

* * *

(**A/N**)- Thanks for all of the reviews from: **Melms213**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GhostWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, **Mickey Ryan**, **FrostySnake**, **kt**,**mary-023**and** HC Lvr. **You guys are the ones that keep writing. I'm happy your'll enjoying this fic even though it's very dark.

**GhostWriter**, Thanks for the correction of the chapter name. I was typing too fast when I updated and didn't catch it.

As I have said on my main page, I'm finishing this story before I write anything else. I'm sorry to all of my readers for my other stories but I have a writers challenge for this story and my dead line is coming up. I hope to have this whole story done with in a couple of weeks but I will still only update once a week.

As always, please review. I like to know how I'm doing and more reviews, bring a fast update.


	4. Always

Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides Josh.

Rating: I'm rating this chapter **T** but this one is still pretty dark.

* * *

I hated him so much. But, if I truly hated him, then how come I'm always so intrigued by him? Even now I still feel a sort of pull towards him. His eyes bring me in and no matter how much I hate that smile of his, I always feel that I have to look at it. I don't care how handsome he is, I shouldn't be feeling like this.

Still, the feelings I have for Josh are nothing like the ones I have for Scott. With Scott, I always just want to be comforted. I always feel safe and I know that I can kiss him without there having to be anything else that accompanies that kiss. With Josh, I almost feel entranced to the point where I feel like I have no choice but to be attracted to him.

I sighed and threw my covers off of me. I stood up and walked into the bathroom. I sat down on the floor and ran my hands through my hair. I had to find a way to get out of this situation; the whole situation with Josh being here was beginning to destroy me. If this kept up much longer, I wasn't sure how I was going to survive.

I put my head in my hands and I felt tears leave my eyes without my consent. I let myself cry until I heard the door open. My head shot up and I saw Daisy in the doorway. I swear, I was always going to be interrupted by someone at night.

Daisy walked over and sat down on the floor in front of me as I wiped away my tears.

"How did the discussion with Scott go yesterday?" Daisy asked.

"I didn't go at all. Josh showed up once I was going to tell him something and made a stupid comment that Scott is going to be questioning me about forever." I responded.

"And what comment is that?"

"Josh said something to Scott and Scott replied with some kind of sarcastic remark, like 'I'm shaking with fear' or something like that and Josh said, 'yeah, that's what your girlfriend said'."

"Well, is there any truth to that?" Daisy asked.

"A lot, actually." I replied, my voice sounding sad.

"Shelby, what happened between you two?"

I took in a deep breath. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain any of this but I knew I had to let someone know and Daisy was the best person.

"I met Josh when I was on the streets. He was one of my customers, actually." I said.

"It doesn't seem like he's the type of guy who needs to buy sex, though." Daisy replied.

"He wasn't. But he never just liked sex. He would pay me a lot of money to let him hurt me, too." I looked down an continued. "I would get about a thousand dollars a night to let him screw me and hurt me at the same time. And the worst thing about it is, I let him." I felt a tear fall as I looked up at Daisy.

"How bad did he hurt you?" Daisy asked.

"Bruises every night, he would cut me, just do anything that would hurt me." I said and looked away from her. "I'm disgusting."

"Shelby, you're not disgusting. Josh is sick." Daisy said with so much emotion that I almost believed it. Almost.

"Dais, I let him hurt me because he paid a lot." I said with disgust. "That's horrible."

"You did what you had to do to survive, Shelby. I don't blame you and I don't care about you any less. Hell, I admire the strength you had to live."

Daisy leaned in close to me and pulled me into a hug as I cried in her arms. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. They were a mix of happy and sad ones; happy for Daisy wasn't rejecting me and sad for I still did all of those things with Josh.

Daisy pulled away from the hug and asked, "Are you going to tell Peter and Sophie?"

"And say what?" I asked, my voice showing that I was obviously crying.

"Tell them what happened. They can help. I'm sure he wouldn't be here if they knew he did those things to girls."

"I know but it's not like I can just go out and say those things. It'll be my word against his."

"You don't any scars or anything?" Daisy asked.

"I have a few scars on my belly from him but they could've been from anything." I replied.

"Shelby, you have to tell someone. Josh being here, is destroying you."

"You noticed, too?"

"Everyone's noticed. It's just that none of us knew why." Daisy said. "Are you going to tell Scott?"

"I want to. I mean, I think he should know but I'm afraid of what he'd do. He couldn't handle it when he found out I just had sex with other men for money. I'm afraid he'll reject me if I tell him about this." I said.

"Do you really think he would do that?" Daisy asked in disbelief.

"I don't know. Scott's never been good at accepting my past."

"Doesn't mean he can't. He loves you, Shel. He'll never reject you like that."

"Then why did he before!" I snapped back at her but then grew soft again. "Maybe he didn't exactly reject me but he couldn't accept me just having sex with guys for money for a while. It would take him a lot to accept me for this."

"It will take a lot." Daisy corrected me.

I gave her a confused look. What was she doing? Didn't I just say that?

"You said that it would. Meaning that only _if_ you told him that it would come out like that." She said. "But you and I both know that you're going to tell him."

I sighed. I knew I had to tell him but I was still going to avoid it as long as I could. Unfortunately, I knew that wasn't going to be for much longer.

"But what am I gonna tell him?" I asked, helpless.

"The truth," She responded simply. "He'll accept it."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then he's not the one."

With those final words, Daisy silenced herself. No more words were spoken by either of us. The silence just filled the bathroom and the entire dorm. All one could hear was our breathing and that alone was very relaxing.

We both stood up and she hugged me in a comforting manner. I knew the reason; she felt that I needed the support.

Daisy knew me very well. She knew when to push, when to give space and she always knew what I was going to do, sometimes, before I even did. It was strange, yet, oddly, comforting. It meant that she actually took time to get to know me and to care about what I was going through. Yes, Scott cared but he would never be as intuitive as Daisy was.

We walked out of the bathroom and back into the room. We both looked over at Juliet and saw her still sleeping. I looked at the time and saw that any minute now, Sophie was going to be coming to wake us up. Daisy and I were already awake so it didn't really matter to us so she would really only being waking up Juliet.

As if on cue, Sophie opened the door and said, "Okay, time to get up everyone. Shelby, Daisy, what are you two doing up already?"

"We were only talking Sophie. Relax." Daisy responded with a smile.

Sophie nodded and walked out of the room.

Juliet made a noise as she stretched in her bed and stood up. She yawned and then her gaze was locked on me.

"Are you going to be up early all the time now, Shelby?" She asked me.

"What's it to you, Princess?" I asked back, not answering her question.

"Whatever," She dismissed and walked into the bathroom.

I sighed and followed Juliet into the bathroom for I still needed to shower.

* * *

We all walked into the kitchen and got in line for our food. I actually felt hungry for the first time in a week so I got a full plate of food. We had a good selection this morning, too; pancakes, bacon, eggs and a variety of fruit. I was happy with it.

I sat down at the table, across from Daisy and next to Scott but I might as well have not been there to Scott for he ignored me. He still hadn't spoken a word to me since Josh let those words slip the day before yesterday when I was going to tell him everything. He acted as if I didn't exist while I was around. I guess, in a way, I deserve it but it didn't make it hurt any less.

I took another bite of my pancake and tried to ignore Josh as much as I could. He was sitting at the other end of the table but I could still feel him there, I didn't even have to see him to know when he's present.

"Okay, you guys have a couple minutes left for breakfast and then group." Sophie said behind me. I tried to look up at her without turning around but it wasn't working so I just kind of gave up.

I nodded and took a drink of orange juice. I had another couple of bites of food and then I felt my stomach relax and I was full. It was a nice feeling and I hadn't felt it for so long so I enjoyed it. I sat back in my chair and put my hands on my stomach. I smile crept on my lips as I was finally starting to feel normal again.

Telling Daisy about everything really helped. Maybe it wasn't so much that I told Daisy but that I told someone. That someone being Daisy, I think, was just a plus for I knew she wouldn't reject me for it. She would always be there for me, no matter what. That was a very comforting feeling. I only wish that I could feel that way towards Scott. But, no, he hears one little comment from Josh and he ignores me.

Everyone stood up from the table and walked into the lodge and I went to follow but Auggie cut me off. He grabbed my arm and pulled me off to the side. I must say, he wasn't the person I had expected to cut me off.

"What?" I asked.

"What happened between you and Scott?" He asked.

I sighed and closed my eyes then opened them and said, "Nothing."

"That's not true, Shel. He's hurtin'." Auggie responded.

"Oh. And I'm not?" I snapped. "Look, I was going to tell him something important about me, Josh made a stupid comment and now Scott won't talk to me. So if you're looking for someone to blame about us having troubles, blame him."

I walked away. I felt kind of bad for being rude to Auggie but I would've been rude to even Peter if they asked me about that. I walked into the lodge and sat down on a chair but it wasn't next to Scott like it usually was. My chair was actually on the other side of the circle, I think Scott had done that on purpose.

"Okay," Sophie said. "Group will be very simple today. I feel. But I want you to explain why you feel like that, too. Juliet, why don't you start and then call on who you want to go next?"

"I feel happy." Juliet said. "Just because everything's going good for me right now. Auggie?"

"I feel good, I guess. Nothing's wrong with me but I am worried about a couple of my friends." Auggie said and glanced at me, then at Scott. "E.Z.?"

"I feel tired because I didn't get enough sleep last night." Ezra said. "Josh?"

"I feel great because everything's going just as planned." He said in a mischievous voice while looking at me.

"Care to elaborate?" Sophie asked.

"Not really." Josh dismissed. "David?"

"I feel tired, just like Ezra, because someone stayed up all night and in doing so kept me up all night." David said and turned his gaze to Scott. "Daisy?"

"I feel proud that I have a friend who's so strong that she'll do anything she needs to in order to survive." Daisy said and a smile crept onto my face with her kind words. "Scott?"

"I feel betrayed because someone I care about doesn't trust me enough to tell them what's bothering them." Scott said as his eyes bore into me. "Shelby?" He said my name almost with disgust.

"I feel hurt because I was going to tell someone about my past and they rejected me before they even listened to me." I retorted to him.

Scott looked hurt and guilty and, this sounds pretty bad, but I was happy about that. He should be guilty. I was going to open myself up to him and he rejected me before he even let me explain.

"Can we go now?" I asked Sophie, the anger still in my voice.

"Yeah," Sophie said and nodded to us. I swear, with each new group, she looks more and more confused with the comments I make.

I stood up and walked out of the lodge.

* * *

The day went by, surprisingly, quickly. Before I really knew it, it was night time and we were being told that lights out was in half an hour. I sighed for, like, the hundredth time today and stood form the ground I was sitting on. I glanced over at Scott who had been watching me and walked out of the lodge. I heard someone walk out of the lodge behind me and I knew it was Josh. I could feel it was him without even having to look at him. I didn't take notice to it though. I just continued walking.

As I was walking past the equipment shed, Josh finally said something. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore him but he must have sped his pace for the next thing I knew, he was right next to me and pulling me into the equipment shed.

He turned me around and forced me to look at him. I looked up into his dark eyes for a moment and wanted to look away, but I couldn't. I didn't know what it was but I couldn't bring myself to look away from him.

He moved and started to stalk around me like he was a cat and I was his prey. I moved my eyes to watch him and I wouldn't move my head so when he was behind me, I didn't know what he was doing.

I felt his hands slide around my waist as they slowly started to rub my hips. His hands moved until they were resting on my stomach and he started to caress my body. I tried to make myself uneffected by his touch but I couldn't. A shuddering breath escaped my mouth and my eyes closed. I felt myself relax against his body and, I didn't know why, but I enjoyed it.

It was like he had me in a trance. I hated him but couldn't will myself to say 'no'. I was repulsed by him but whenever he touched me, I enjoyed it. As much as I hated it, I knew that I would always succumb to his will. Josh had some sort of unknown power over me and it was so strong that I couldn't fight it no matter how much I tried.

His hands went back to my waist and he caressed the flesh. He lifted my shirt so that he would be touching my skin instead of my clothes. He still kept his hands around my waist and messaged ever so gently. He started to sway his hips and I moved with him. My back was pressed to his chest and I felt so calm. I knew I shouldn't be but I couldn't control myself.

I moved my hands and they were on his. He moved my hands but kept them with in his own. One of my hands was resting on my stomach with one of his over it. The other, was in his hand and he moved it away from my body. He pulled my arm up around my neck to go move behind me and touch the side of his face. My hand slid across the side of Josh's soft, smooth face.

Josh moved my hand away from his face and used my other hand that he was holding to turn my around and face him, which caused my eyes to open and look at him. Josh looked down at me with a serious look on his face. I couldn't exactly point out what was being shown on his determined face but it was serious.

Josh let go of one of my hands and lifted it to the side of my face. He cupped my face with his one hand and he lowered his head to me. Before I knew what was going on, his lips were on mine. This kiss wasn't like the usual ones we use to share though, this one didn't have a bruising feeling to it and wasn't rushed or even forced. I could tell Josh was getting restless with me not replying to the kiss so I opened my mouth and kissed him back. His tongue on mine felt wonderful. His hands moved to my waist and pulled me even closer to him but, still, not painfully like he use to.

What was I doing? I shouldn't be kissing him. I shouldn't be enjoying any of this. Josh hurt me too much and I was in love with Scott. Why was I doing this with him?

I pulled away gently from the kiss and opened my eyes. I didn't even realize I had closed them but when I opened them, I saw Josh looking at me with confusion and a hint of anger. It was the anger I was worried about for I know good and well what he could do when angry. Still, regardless of his face and my fears of what he would do, I couldn't do this. Not to myself and not to Scott.

"No," I said softly.

"What?" Josh asked in disbelief.

"No," I said again, this time more sternly.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Josh, I'm with Scott."

"That didn't seem to matter a couple of minutes ago when you were letting me touch you all over."

"Well, I came to my senses. Josh, I can't do this with you after everything you've done to me." I replied as calmly as I could.

"After everything I did to you?" He spat. "As I recall, you were willing for it all."

I flinched at his words for he was correct. I was willing for it all when it was happening but now looking back on it, I know better.

"That was then," I replied. "I was stupid then."

"So you're turning me down for Scott? The guy who won't even talk to you right now 'cause he can't handle your past?" Josh asked with hate, knowing that the truth of his words would hurt me.

"And you're a part of that past. You're something I regret. Now can't we just leave everything in the past?" I asked, even though I knew he wouldn't like it.

"You can want to leave it in the past all you want, _ma cherie_. But I'm always going to be there. You'll never be rid of me." Josh said and walked out of the shed, leaving me alone.

I let a breath out that I didn't even know I was holding in and leaned against the wall. He was right. I would never be rid of him. Not as long as he was out there. I would always think back on him every time I looked at the scars on my belly and every time I thought about anything in my past. He would always be there.

Always...

* * *

(**A/N**)-Thanks for all of the reviews from: **Melms213**, **Linkie**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GhostWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, **Mickey Ryan**,** Summerfly39**, **FrostySnake**, **kt**, **mary-023,rogue-angel07,**and** HC Lvr. **You guys are the ones that keep writing. I'm happy your'll enjoying this fic even though it's very dark.

I know some of you were probably screaming at Shelby when she started to kiss Hosh and when she was giving into him but I put that in to show how much history and passion is between Shelby and Josh. And I wanted to show how much power Josh had over Shelby. She leanred to say 'no' now but he still had a lot of power over her.

A little note to all of my readers for all of my stories, I no longer have to have this story finished so I will go along with updating my other stories again. My next update will be 'Memories' then I will have a 'The Truth Comes Out' update and hopefully I'll be able to update 'Love and War' but I'm still kind of having a writers block on that story. If I think of something, you guys will have an update. If not, you'll get an update to this story then.

I hope you're all enjoying my dark, angst-filled story. If you're not or if you're are, please review and let me know.


	5. A True Best Friend

This is chapter is far from being rated **M**. I don't even think it's a **T**, but I'll have it there for now.

* * *

I sat on my bed in the dorm, hugging my knees to my chest. I was biting my fingernails in nervousness. I couldn't stop thinking about what I had done with Josh a few hours ago. I said 'no', in the end, but I still kissed him. I still allowed myself to give into him. I fell for his stupid tricks; his seductive voice and the feel of his body against mine. He always knew what to do to make me go weak in the knees and fall for him all over again.

The truth of his words after were so true that they almost frightened me. I would never be rid of him. But, even worse than that, as long as he was out there, he would always have that power of me. I could never escape it. He would always know how to pull me in and get me to do exactly what he wanted. I didn't even know what the power was, but whenever he was around, it was as if he had me in a trance.

"What happened?" I heard Daisy ask.

I didn't even know she was awake. I thought that I was the only one, but apparently not.

I looked over to her, but didn't reply. I think the look on my face was enough for her for she stood up and came over to me. She sat down and pulled me into a hug which caused me to break down in tears. I could maintain my emotions as long as no one tried to comfort me, but the second someone hugged me, I would loose it. And in that moment, when Daisy hugged me, I really did loose it.

Daisy pulled away from the hug and grabbed one of my hands. She led me into the bathroom and I followed without a word. I think that she didn't want to wake Juliet up with out talking and I didn't either so I was okay with going into the bathroom.

Once the door was closed, Daisy let go of my hand. I walked over to the far wall, leaned on it and closed my eyes.

"Okay, now tell me what happened with Josh," Daisy commanded, her voice still gentile. "I saw him leave the lodge right after you and I an tell by how your acting."

"Am I that transparent?" I asked while I opened my eyes to look at her.

"It's either that or that I'm incredibly perceptive. Either way, I can tell something happened."

I looked away from her. I knew she would realize something was wrong with me, but I didn't think it would be that soon. But, then again, I wasn't sleeping, I was biting my fingernails and when Daisy hugged me, I cried; all signs of something having happened to me.

"Tell me," Daisy said softly, while walking towards me.

I didn't want to talk to anyone about what had happened, even Daisy. I was too ashamed at what I had done to talk about it so easily. I wanted to avoid the entire topic, but I knew that talking to Daisy about what had happened with Josh would help me. It let it out and I wouldn't be fighting like hell to keep it hidden.

I took a deep breath and tried to think of something good to say, but I gave up and simply said, "I kissed Josh tonight."

"What!" Daisy almost screamed, clearly shocked.

I raised my hand and covered her mouth quickly so she wouldn't wake Juliet up.

"I don't want Juliet to wake up so shhh," I said. "Can you do that?"

I felt kind of like a Mother talking to her child while I held my hand over her mouth and questioned her if she could be quiet or not, but it was necessary. I didn't want Juliet up for that would cause and whole new drama and I had enough in my life at that moment.

Daisy nodded in response to my question and I took my hand off her mouth.

"How could you kiss him?" Daisy asked.

I sighed. I was asking myself that very question so I really didn't know how to respond.

"I don't know," I said and shrugged. "I mean, I pulled away and actually managed to say 'no' to him, but I still did it."

"I can't imagine that he liked your pulling away," Daisy said.

"He didn't."

"Okay so what happened?"

After she asked me that question I stood there for a few moments thinking to myself, where to begin? I guess I should start from the beginning. A sigh left my suddenly very dry lips and I brought my attention back to Daisy.

"Well, you know what he walked out of the lodge after me and that he started to follow me, right?" I asked her and she nodded. "Okay, well I was walking past the equipment shed, by the docks, on the way to the dorm, and he grabbed me and pulled me into the shed. And then he started to use all of his old tricks on me again and it just made me fall for him. And I hate myself for letting his tricks work."

I really did hate myself for it. I couldn't believe that after everything he did to me and everything I learned here, at Horizon, that I could let him get under my skin and control me like that.

"What kind of tricks?" Daisy asked.

"I'm not even sure," I responded and my voice showed just how lost I felt. "Just his voice and the feel of his body against mine, made me want him again. And when he leaned down to kiss me, it wasn't like one of the old ones we use to share."

"What do you mean?" Daisy questioned.

"It was gentile. Before all of the kisses were so strong that I felt like I would bruise, but the kiss earlier was how it was when I would kiss Scott; soft and sweet, almost like he actually loved me."

"Do you think he does? Or is this all just an act?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if it's all just an act. I mean, that's how he works."

"Is kissing him the only thing that's been bothering you?" Daisy asked.

I thought back to what Josh said after I pulled away; about me never being rid of him and I shook my head in response to Daisy's question.

"Then what else?" Daisy asked.

"After I pulled away from him, he brought up how Scott won't accept me about a past he doesn't even know about. And I told him that he was a part of that past and that I wanted him gone," I responded.

"So, you're upset that he told you Scott isn't accepting you? I don't buy it. There's something else."

Damn her! Why did she have to know me so well. I should've known that I wouldn't be able to hide that from her. Best friends can always tell.

"When I told him that I wanted him gone, he said that he would never be gone, that he would always be there," I said as my eyes started to burn with unshed tears. "He's right, Dais. As long as he's out there and is capable of finding me, I'm never going to be rid of him. He's always going to be there in the back of my mind. And tonight proved just how much power he has over me."

"Shelby, you're the strongest person I know," Daisy said and rested her hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. "Josh doesn't have any power over you, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll be able to get rid of him."

"You say that, but you have no idea how I am when I'm around him. It's like, I'm not even myself anymore. I'm just whatever he wants me to be."

"Then be yourself again. If anyone can over come this, it's you."

I smiled at Daisy. Unfortunately, what she wanted me to do was easier said than done. I had no idea how to over come whatever kind of pull Josh had on me. Daisy said that he really didn't have any, but then how come I always felt so powerless against him?

"I don't know how," I said and, once again, my voice showed how lost I felt.

"Like I said, be yourself again," Daisy replied like a true best friend. "You can do this."

For some reason, Daisy's words made me smile. I knew what she was asking me to do would be extremely difficult, but if she thought I could, then I must be able to. There hasn't been much Daisy was ever wrong about. I was smiling until I remembered all of the things in my past and why I was having this conversation to begin with.

"Why am I so messed up, Daisy?" I asked for I truly thought I was.

"You're not," Daisy contradicted. "You have a bad past, but you didn't get a choice in that, Shelby."

"Didn't I?"

"Shelby, you need to finally realize what me, Scott, Peter, Sophie and all the other Cliffhangers have already noticed."

"And what's that?"

"That you're the strongest of us all and that you can overcome anything."

"Scott's the strongest," I stated and shook my head.

"No, he's not," Daisy said. "Scott may be the leader now, but you're still the strongest, even Scott thinks so. Ask him yourself."

"Yeah, you see, I would, but he won't talk to me, remember?"

"Then talk to him. He doesn't have to say a word in order to be a good listener."

I sighed. I was afraid to talk to Scott for I knew that if I were to talk to him about anything that he would ask about Josh and I would give in. It wasn't that I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth, but I was afraid of how he would respond. He was already rejecting me and I really didn't want yet another bad thing in my past of make things between us even worse.

But, I knew that I had to talk to him. I had to tell him everything. If I ever wanted to be strong enough to get rid of Josh, then I needed Scott in my life. Without him there, it was as if part of me was missing; a part that I couldn't gain back by myself. Scott was part of me, he was my life and I had to have him with me if I ever wanted to be rid of Josh. I had to have a daily reminder of why I was putting myself through hell in order to get rid of Josh and my reminder would be the chance to have a life with Scott.

"You're right," I said. "I don't think about the me being the strongest, but you're right in saying that I have to talk to Scott."

"Finally, you're making sense," Daisy said and pulled me into a huge. "You're going to be okay, you know that, right?"

"I think so," I said and wiped away a tear I didn't even notice I allowed to fall. "If I have you and Scott, then I'll be fine."

"You know," Daisy started and pulled away from the hug. "You don't just have us. You have all of the Cliffhangers and Peter and Sophie."

"Well, how about I worry about getting things out to Scott first before I go and tell everyone else."

"Right. Small steps."

"Exactly. Telling everyone would be too much right now."

"Okay, it's up to you."

The room was silent for several minutes until with just a look between us, me and Daisy decided to try and go to bed. We wanted to get the hour of sleep we still had a chance of getting.

We walked out of the bathroom and we both went to our beds. After both of us threw our covers back on us, we both drifted off to sleep. At least, I did. I assume Daisy fell back to sleep as well for she made no sound of still being awake. I let my eyes drift close and allowed sleep to wash over me and for the first time, in a long time, I felt somewhat relaxed.

* * *

It seemed like just minutes after I fell asleep, Sophie's voice was waking me up. One thing I've noticed about my sleeping habits since I've been at Horizon for now 2 years is that I can never get a small amount of sleep. I either have to get a lot of sleep or no sleep, a little sleep is no good for me.

I threw my covers off of me and pulled them strait back onto me for I had a chill the moment I took the blankets off. I laid on my side and pulled my knees to my chest. I stayed there for several moments and would have fallen back asleep if Juliet wouldn't have screamed.

My eyes shot open. I stood up from my bed and ran to the bathroom, where Juliet is.

"What?" I asked.

I don't Juliet could form words at the moment. She simply kept pointing at a spot of the floor with a disgusted look on her face. My eyes looked to where she was pointing and I saw what had caused her extremely loud shrieking; there was a spider. It was a little, silver thing and she was screaming at the top of her lungs about it.

"You screamed because of that thing?" I asked exasperated.

"It's gross!" Juliet exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes.

"What's gross?" Daisy asked from the other side of the threshold.

"A spider that Juliet saw on the floor," I replied.

Daisy walked into the bathroom and looked to where Juliet was still pointing and chuckled. I think she thought it was just as ridiculous as I did.

I grabbed a piece of toilet paper intent on killing the little spider, but Daisy grabbed my hand and prevented it. I looked at her and she shook her head.

"What?" I asked.

"How would you like it if someone just killed you?" Daisy asked.

She disappeared from the bathroom and came back with a piece of paper in her hand. She walked over to the corner where the spider was, crouched onto the floor and nudged the small insect onto the paper. Once it was on the paper she stood back up and walked out of the dorm and nudged it off the paper just as she had nudged it on.

"You're so strange sometimes, Daisy," I said, once she had closed the door.

"Why because I don't think it's nice to kill poor, little defenseless creatures?" Daisy asked.

"Yeah," I said very matter-of-factly.

Both of us smiled and then walked into the bathroom to get ready for the day ahead of us. I didn't know how Daisy's was going to be, but I knew mine wouldn't be very easy. I set for myself the task of telling Scott about Josh and I knew that it wouldn't be easy.

* * *

My day very uneventful save for the debate me and Josh got into during History. According to Jeff, I won the debate so I was happy about that. But, other than that, my day was bad.

Scott ignored me the whole day. I think he looked at me exactly once and that was when my stomach growled funny in Math class. And in Chemistry we had to do a whole lab together and somehow he managed to do so without so much as glancing at me.

Now me and him were on dish washing duty together, but he still managed to not look at me; he would wash something, rinse it and hand it to me to dry and that was the most interaction me and him had had all day.

"Scott," I said as he handed me a plate to dry. "Do you think we can talk tonight?"

"What's there to talk about?" Scott asked and handed me a fork to dry.

"I was kind of hoping to talk about us and about what's been going on with me," I said and put the down the fork as I was given another plate.

Scott was silent. It hurt my feelings that he didn't want to talk to me and could so easily just go back to doing our chores without so much as thinking about it.

"Fine," I said. "Well, if you do want to talk to me, I'll be at the docks at midnight. I'll wait ten minutes for you and if you don't show up then I'm leaving."

I took the last plate from Scott, dried it and put it down. I tossed the towel on the counter and took off my apron. I hung it up on the hook and walked out of the kitchen. I cast a final glance at Scott and saw him watching me as I walked out of the kitchen. I wasn't sure what that look meant, but it wasn't just a normal look, there was something else behind it.

I walked back to the dorm and sat down on my bed as a sigh left my lips. I was really hoping that Scott would show up that night, but a very small part of me didn't want him to for if he did, I would have to tell him about Josh. That was such a chore in itself that I stopped thinking about everything else, other than what I would tell Scott if he showed up.

* * *

(**A/N**)-Thanks for all of the reviews from: **Melms213**, **Linkie**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GhostWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, **Mickey Ryan**,** Summerfly39**, **FrostySnake**, **kt**, **mary-023,rogue-angel07, Summerfly39, Keela-Shay Baxter, **and** HC Lvr. **You guys are the ones that keep writing. I'm happy you're all enjoying this fic even though it's very dark.

I know this chapter isn't very eventful, but I felt that this chapter and the next one had to be separate so I ended it here.

My next story update will be 'The Truth Comes Out' and then I will finally be updating 'Love and War'(yes, I know, it's about time). And then I will be starting a new story called 'All Because ofa Play'. This chapter will be updated after my next 'Memories' Chapter which will be written after I start 'All Because of a Play'. I hope that wasn't too confusing for anyone.

As always, please review.


	6. Safe

I'm rating this chapter **T** simply because of the themes I talk about in this chapter.

* * *

While wearing a pair of simple blue jeans and a black, v-neck T-shirt, I was pacing nervously around the girls dorm. I knew that everyone's eyes were on me but I could care less about them at that moment. I was just nervous about meeting Scott. I wasn't fully aware why for I didn't know he was even going to show up but in case he did, I had to have something to say to him and I didn't.

"No offense, Shelby, but if you're going to go meet him, then do it already so we can go to sleep," Juliet said, her voice showing how tired she was. "Your pacing is keeping me awake."

"Well, I'm nervous," I explained and continued to pace.

"Why? It's not like you guys have never snuck out to meet before."

"I know but tonight I have--" I stopped myself abruptly as I remembered that she didn't know about Josh and I didn't want her to know just yet, if at all. "Never mind. It's a long story. What time is it?"

"You can leave any minute," Daisy replied to me and I sighed, still nervous.

As I realized that I was simply stalling then, I stopped pacing and stood at the foot of Daisy's bed. I watched her carefully and saw her giving me a knowing look. She knew how scared I was about going but she knew, just like I did deep down, that I had to go.

"Good luck," She told me with a small smile.

I smiled weakly at her and took another glance at Juliet, who was looking at me with a strange expression. I couldn't pinpoint what her look meant but it was definitely directed to me.

I turned on my heel and walked out of the door. I was silent and slow at first for I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be caught but once I noticed that all the counselors were gone or not aware of anything, I quickened my pace and walked to the direction of the docks.

I reached the docks within the next minute or so. I couldn't be positive but I thought it was only a few minutes past midnight, which meant that Scott still had several minutes to show up. I wasn't sure if he was going to show up for the rendes vous I had planned anyway but if he was, he had a little over 5 minutes to do so.

I started to think very intently on everything, or anything, that I could say to Scott. I wanted to try and explain things in a way that wouldn't make it sound bad but I couldn't. Anything I thought of made it sound like I was just some, common whore and Josh was simply the highest paying customer. It wasn't that though. There was something more between us than work but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. At least not exactly.

I sat down on one of the benches in frustration and looked at the water. I listened to the soft waves of the water and watched it flow. I let my mind drift off and I became somewhat relaxed. I was still very tense and nervous but gazing into the water helped a small amount.

My gaze was shifted and my calm was gone when I heard a noise. I wasn't sure what the noise was but it sounded like a squirrel or something screaming. It made me jump slightly but I quickly regained control of myself and remembered why I was there.

I didn't know how long I had been waiting but I figured that it was long enough. Scott wasn't coming. I couldn't blame him. I should have told him the truth to begin with but instead I didn't and I lost his trust.

After another few moments of sitting in false hope, waiting, I stood up from the bench. I turned on my heels and started to make my way back to the girls dorm. I told Scott before that I would 10 minutes for him and then leave and I've waited almost 15 minutes.

"Shelby," I heard Scott say from behind me.

I turned around to face him. He was standing a few feet away from me, right next to the docks. The sight of him took my breath away. It wasn't that he was anymore attractive than usual but the fact that he showed up made me almost want to shed happy tears.

"You're late," I stated in a soft voice.

"Better late than never though, right?" He asked with a small smile a shrug of his shoulders.

"Right," I responded with a nod as I walked slowly back to the docks. "Thanks for coming."

I watched him carefully and saw that he only nodded in response to what I had said. I could tell that he was trying extremely hard to be indifferent about the situation but me being able to tell that he was trying was proof alone that he was loosing the battle.

Scott walked with his hands in his pockets. Actually, what he was doing was more like pacing. I could tell that he didn't want to be there. I wasn't even sure why he came for it was so evident that he didn't want to.

I took a step closer to him and sat down on what I liked to call 'our bench'.

"Maybe you should sit down," I suggested after taking my own advice.

"I'll stand," He said, not sounding at all enthused.

"Suit yourself."

I took a deep breath to try and relax myself but came to realize that _any _attempt to relax was futile. Nothing would calm me down and nothing would make explaining things to Scott any easier. The sooner I realized that, the sooner I'd be able to stop my mental complaining and simply say what needed to be said.

"Okay, I know that you know I knew Josh before. He let that little secret slip in group that day and that was something that I didn't want to happen," I started. "And he keeps dropping hints at the past that him and I shared but he's never said anything outright so I think I should."

"He does keep dropping hints," Scott agreed with a small nod. "Especially about how good you were in bed."

Scott gave me almost a cold glare after his second comment. I closed my eyes in a type of disgust and wouldn't look at him. The brief glance I risked after he spoke was enough to tear me to shreds. His glare was cold but it also showed that he was hurt by it and that hurt me more than the fact that he was angry about it.

"The reason he knows how I am in bed is because," I paused a took a breath. I tried to stop tears from coming as I spoke about my past and I was hoping that it would be one battle I would win. "Is because, he was one of my customers when I turned tricks on the streets."

I risked another quick glance at Scott to see if he was listening and saw that he obviously was but he wasn't looking at me and I couldn't blame him. I couldn't even look at myself so I could hardly expect someone else to look at me with loving eyes at that moment.

"He was a regular customer for me so I guess he went past being a normal customer. I saw him almost every night," I said and tried to keep my voice steady. "But there was more than him being a regular that made him different from my other customers."

I took a shaky breath. I knew I was coming to the part of the discussion where I would have to talk about all the horrible things he did to me and I wasn't okay with that just yet. It wasn't simply because the things he did were bad, but it was also because I let him do those things to me. I didn't stop him when I could have.

Josh always told me that I could say 'no' at any time and he would stop but I never said 'no'. I didn't even know if he really _would_ stop. He always seemed to enjoy hurting me so much that I don't think he would have stopped even if I screamed 'no'. Still, he stood by what he said the first night I met him, that if I ever said 'no' he would stop, not pay me and let me leave. I still don't know why I never said 'no' to him.

"He would pay me a lot of money for more than just sex," I stated. "I would get almost a thousand a night to let him hurt me."

I looked at Scott and saw that he was looking at me. He had a look on his face that was a mix between shock and confusion. The look on his face caused me to start loosing the battle against tears. My eyes burned with unshed tears and I know he noticed. He sat down next to me and took in a breath.

"When you say 'hurt'..." Scott trailed off.

"I mean he _really_ hurt me," I said and looked away from Scott. I looked at my hands and noticed they were trembling. "He was into that kind of stuff. He would squeeze harder than he had to just so I would bruise. He would kiss harder and more forcefully so that it hurt. He would cut me..."

I had to stop talking for my voice was beginning to shake. I took another shaky breath and closed my eyes which caused the first tear to fall. It trailed down my cheek and was followed quickly by another tear from my other eye.

"He loved hearing me scream in pain," I stated with an unsteady voice as more tears trailed down my cheeks without my consent.

"My God. He's a fuckin' sadist," Scott said in a voice that showed how angry he was.

"A what-ist?" I asked and looked at him.

"He enjoys inflicting pain on others," Scott explained.

"Yepp," I said and wiped my tear stained cheeks. "That's him, all right."

"I'm gonna kill him."

"Wait. Before you do anything, let me finish."

"There's more?"

"Yes."

I paused for several moments before I even thought about saying anything. Scott was on my side at that moment and I didn't want to risk it by telling him the truth behind Josh hurting me. I didn't want to tell him the worst part of the whole thing. I didn't want to tell him that I let him.

"This is probably going to be the hardest thing for me to say, so work with me. The worst part about all of that is..." I started but couldn't bring myself to admit the rest. I took a breath and tried again, this time not failing miserably. "I let him."

I closed my eyes again and more tears started to fall. I didn't want to admit that to anyone, especially Scott. It took me a while to get him to even look at me again after he found out that I turned tricks and I didn't want to risk another month or so of him not looking at me or only looking at me in disgust because of what I had done.

"You what?" Scott asked, his voice filled with hurt. "Why?"

"Because he paid well," I said as another tear fell down my already tear stained cheeks.

It was pathetic that I let him do so much damage to me and that I let him take advantage of me so easily simply because he paid well. I hated myself for it and I couldn't expect Scott to accept me for it like Daisy did. Daisy was always more understanding than Scott but with that particular topic, I couldn't blame him if he hated me for it.

I cast my eyes to Scott and saw that the emotion on his face wasn't hate, or even anger, it was hurt and concern. He looked gentile but not understanding. I wanted him to at least have something to work with so he could try and understand but I wasn't really sure how to explain what was going through my head when I allowed Josh to do those things to me for I wasn't sure myself what was going through my head when I allowed Josh to do those things to me. However, I was going to try my best.

"I needed the money and Josh had it. And at the time, I thought that a little pain with sex wouldn't be bad. It wasn't until I was too far in that I realized it was bad," I said and shook my head, looking away from Scott. "I didn't realize what I was doing to myself before he already had power over me."

"What do you mean?" Scott asked me, confused with concern evident in his voice. "What power?"

"I don't even know," I replied and shrugged me shoulders, looking down. "He knows exactly what to say and what to do to get to me. It's like, when he's around, I'm not me at all, I'm a completely different person. I'm the person he wants me to be."

Admitting that Josh had power over me to Scott was difficult but I managed to do it with out anymore tears falling.

"I don't even know what I'm doing," I said, my voice showing how lost I was. "Every time I see him or he talks to me, I get weaker and weaker and he gets stronger and stronger."

I looked back to Scott again and saw that he still had concern written all over his face. Which caused my eyes to burn again. It wasn't just that I was hurting then, I also felt cared for. The tears were a mix of happy and sad ones.

"What am I gonna do?" I asked, sounding even more lost as the tears started to fall yet again.

"Oh, Shelby," Scott said with something in voice. At first, I wasn't sure it was in his voice but I soon realized that the emotion evident in his voice was love.

He pulled me into a hug and I completely lost it. The tears came faster than I could have imagined and I had absolutely no control over them. They had a mind of their own and were falling down my cheeks without my consent. I not only felt cared for in Scott's arms but I also felt somewhat relaxed. Being in Scott's arms made me feel the most relaxed I've felt since Josh showed up. I don't know what it was about Scott but he always seemed to know what to do to help me, whether it was intentional or not.

"I'm sorry I was such a prick to you," Scott said while still holding me. "I'm sorry for everything."

I smiled to myself. I wanted to hear him apologize to me ever since he started to ignore me but I had to admit that I wasn't expecting it.

"Thank you," I replied.

After several more minutes of being content in Scott's arms, I had to move. I've been at the docks for almost an hour by then and the position I was sitting in for at least the last 5 minutes cause some pain due to how my neck was angled.

It seemed as if the wind was awaiting my movement for once I was out of Scott's arms, it blew. A cold breeze hit my face and bare arms which caused me to shiver. I should have known better than not to wear a light jacket. I hugged myself and rubbed my arms to try and warm myself if it did no good.

I looked at Scott and saw that he was smiling as he watched me try to warm myself. He took both of my small hands in one of his larger ones which stopped my attempts. He let go of my hands and shifted so he could take his zip up sweat shirt. He wrapped it around me and smiled to me. He gently took a stray piece of hair that was in my face and pulled it behind my ear.

I stood up from the bench and put my arms in the sleeves. The sweat shirt was at least twice the size of my normal clothes and it was huge on me. I chuckled at how ridiculous I looked with something so large on me and he joined in with his own small laugh.

"You look adorable," Scott told me with a smile as his baby blue eyes seemed to sparkle.

I smiled to him in response to his comment. It wasn't so much that he said I looked adorable but that he said I looked anything. He was still looking at me and complimenting me which meant that he wasn't repulsed by me and by what I did.

"What about you?" I asked, addressing how he had bare arms after giving me his sweat shirt. "Won't you be cold?"

"No," Scott replied with a small shrug. "The cold doesn't bother me all that nut."

"We can share it."

I sat back down on the bench and took my arms out of the sleeves. I pulled it off of me, moved so I would be right next to him and I leaned on him, pulling it over both of us.

"Is this okay?" I asked him after I had gotten comfortable with his arms around me.

"Anything that gets you in my arms is fine with me," Scott said which caused me to smile yet again.

I was, at that point, completely relaxed in Scott's arms. So relaxed that as I was looking up at the star covered sky, I felt asleep. My eyes drifted closed and I was gone. The next thing I knew, Scott was gently touching the side of my cheek in an attempt to wake me. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"I hate to say this, but we have to go," Scott said. "Sun rise is in about an hour."

"Your kidding me," I said and shot up.

I looked up at the sky and saw that beginnings of false sun rise which usually started about an hour or two before actual sun rise. I must have been asleep for a long time without even realizing it for if it was already false sun rise then I was asleep for a good four hours.

"Did you fall asleep too?" I asked Scott as I looked back to him.

"Guilty," He said with a nod.

Scott stood up from the bench and put his hand to me into order to help me up and said, "Come on. We have to get back to our dorms or we'll be dead when Peter finds us."

I took Scott's hand and started to walk back to the cabin. I didn't want to leave the docks but I knew the truth in Scott's words. If Peter found us in a few hours, we'd be a trouble. And I knew that Josh liked to wonder around at the early hours of the morning and I wanted to be safe in my cabin if I couldn't be safe in Scott's arms.

We walked in silence with our hands intertwined until we stopped when we reached the girls dorm. I turned to Scott and took off his sweat shirt. I handed it back to him with a smile.

"Thanks," I said. "For everything tonight."

"I told you before that I would always be here for you and I will be," He responded with a smile.

Scott put my chin in between his thumb and fore finger and tilted my head up to him. He leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips, a simple, sweet, loving kiss that had nothing else behind it but affection.

"I love you," Scott said as he gazed down at me.

"I love you too," I responded.

I let go of Scott's hand and turned to walk to the girl cabin. I turned back and smiled to him as I saw that he hadn't turned away yet. He was watching me to make sure I got into the cabin and make sure I was okay. I loved that he cared about me so much and that he was supportive through this whole issue. I simply loved him.

I walked into the girls dorm and looked out the window right there. I saw Scott finally turn away to walk to the boys dorm and smiled to myself. I walked in by the beds with the smile still written on my face and sighed as I fell onto the bed. I didn't really care about the other girls being asleep, I didn't care about anything at that moment.

"I take it went well?" Daisy asked, her voice showing that she was barely awake.

"Definitely," I replied with the same smile.

I had that smile on my face for the rest of the day and even seeing Josh didn't get rid of it. Normally seeing Josh got rid of everything for me but fear of him but I knew that I had Scott and that was all I needed. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breath. I could let my guard down and still be safe. As long as I had Scott, I was okay.

* * *

(**A/N**)-Thanks for all of the reviews from: **Melms213**, **Linkie**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GhostWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, **Mickey Ryan**,** Summerfly39**, **FrostySnake**, **kt**, **mary-023,rogue-angel07, Summerfly39, Keela-Shay Baxter, **and** HC Lvr. **You guys are the ones that keep writing. I'm happy you're all enjoying this fic even though it's very dark.

I didn't think I was going to be able to write this chapter well at all but I ended up thinking that it was pretty nice. I was impressed that I was able to writer 2,000 words on this let alone 3,000. So, I like it and I like that I had Scott be accepting of Shelby's past but it's really all up to you guys. Let me know what you think in a review please!

I was going write a 'Memories' update after I got this one but I think I'm a little Scott and Shelby'ied out at the moment. I can't write another meeting between the two of them at the moment but it will be written. I want to get a 'Love and War' and "The Truth Comes Out' update done too. It will all depend on what kind of mood I'm in. Thanks for all your support with all of my stories, everyone.

As always, please review. It's your oppinion that matters!


	7. My Own Battle

Group. It's a wonderful, horrible thing that we all must participate in at Horizon. It's supposed to help us. I guess I can't say that it's all that bad because sometimes it really does help but other times, it's like putting lemon juice on an open cut. I had a feeling that group would be the latter today. I could tell just by the look Josh had on his face and glare that Scott had directed at him.

I sat in a chair with Scott and Daisy on each side and other Cliffhangers in random chairs. We were all waiting for Sophie to show up so we could start group. I knew I wanted it over and done with already and I had no doubt that the rest of them felt the same way. None of us liked group and I don't think that we ever would. After a couple of years of being forced to spill your guts, you get used to it, but you don't like it any better.

As if on cue, Sophie walked into the lodge. She had a smile on her face which was never a good sign for us during group. She had something in mind and it was something I knew I, at least, wouldn't like it. Then again, I never liked group so why would this one be any different?

"Okay, everyone, I'm sure you're all dying to get out of here so let's get to it," Sophie said and I knew that wasn't all. "Today's group will be 'I wish'."

I heard a few sighs around the room as I rolled my eyes. 'I wish'? What the hell kind of topic was that? I leaned my head back and let my own sigh leave my mouth. Scott touched my thigh in a comforting manner and I looked at him. I smiled at him in an assuring way.

"Who wants to start us off?" Sophie asked. "Juliet?"

"Sure," Juliet replied in her usual hyper voice. I would never understand about she could always be so happy. "Um, I wish I could float."

I heard a couple of chuckles through out the room but I didn't laugh. I wasn't in a laughing mood. Come to think of it, I was never in a laughing mood anymore. I don't think I have laughed since Josh had showed up. But, no one who knew about my past with him could really blame me.

I started to think about things that I wished. There were a lot of things that I wished for. I wish Josh had never showed up at Horizon. I wish I never lived on the streets. I wish I was never molested by Walt. I wish Josh would die a horrible, painful, slow death. I wish I never let Josh hurt so much in my past. I wish I didn't make so many stupid choices in my life! I wished for too many things. And none of the things that I thought of were things that I would be okay with saying in group.

I tuned out everything everyone else was saying and simply thought about what I could say. I didn't realize how quickly the time went by when I was thinking for before I knew it, it was my turn and I was still at a loss of words.

I licked my suddenly dry lips and said, "I wish I could make all the scars of my past disappear."

My voice was soft but clear. I said the first thing that came to mind and even I was surprised by what had left my mouth. What I said had summed up everything I was thinking. Everything I wished for had to do with my past and the physical and emotional scars that I had because of it so what I said had made perfect sense to me.

"I wish that I could help Shelby make her scars disappear," I heard Scott say.

Scott's words made me look at him again and give him a small smile. He was giving me an almost sad look but above the look being sad, it was caring. He really did care about me. I knew that he meant every word he said, he did wish he could help me make my scars disappear. The truth was though, no one could help me. I was on my own for that battle. Even if I did accept the help, it wouldn't do any good. There was nothing anyone else could do or say. It was all me.

"Okay," Sophie said with an almost confused tone. "You guys are free to leave."

All the Cliffhangers, myself included, stood up from our chairs and started to leave the lodge.

I glanced at Sophie and saw her giving me sad eyes. She probably assumed I was talking about Walt and my living on the streets. She had no idea about Josh and if things kept going how they were, she never would. I didn't plan on ever telling her or Peter about Josh. I didn't want them to know what I let Josh do to me. They both thought I was so strong and I didn't want them to know the truth. I didn't want them to know that underneath it all, I was as weak as anyone.

I walked out of the lodge and met up with the rest of the group. I walked up next to Scott and he grabbed my hand. I smiled at the simple motion and continued to walk with the group.

"So, what scars were you talking about back there, Shelby?" Josh asked me with an evil look.

I stopped walking and when I stopped, all the other Cliffhangers seemed to follow my lead. I shot Josh a cold glare and he only smiled in response.

"You know what scars I meant, Josh," I stated, my voice bordering on shaking.

"I'm serious," Josh said.

"So am I."

"Come on, Shel, tell us about your scars," Josh said and I knew that he was provoking me.

"What the hell is your problem!" Scott asked, almost yelling and took a step closer to Josh as he let go of my hand.

"Oh," Josh said with a smile and took a step towards Scott. "Are you coming to the defense of your girl? Or would that be my girl? I mean, she was mine before she was yours."

I looked down and clenched my jaw. I closed my eyes and forced myself not to scream with anger and sadness at Josh's comment. I looked back up just in time to see Scott punch Josh square in the jaw. Josh looked back at Scott and I saw that he had a bloody lip. I couldn't keep the surprise off of my face. My mouth opened without my consent and my eyes widened a little bit. Josh punched Scott back but Scott didn't seem phased by it. Scott punched Josh again and Josh stumbled back. I saw that Josh was advancing on Scott again and I rushed in between the two.

"Enough!" I screamed.

"What? Afraid I'm gonna hurt your lover boy?" Josh asked me.

"Hardly," I said. "You're the one with the bloody lip here, not him."

David chuckled and said, "She's got a point."

I cast Josh another cold glare and turned around to look at Scott. The punch didn't phase him at all, he didn't seem to have a mark on his face that showed he got hit and he sure as hell wasn't acting like it. Scott was still glaring at Josh but I touched his cheek gently and he looked at me. I smiled at him, clearly saying 'thank you' and he only smiled him response.

I grabbed Scott's hand and turned away with him. We started to walk away and leave all of that behind us.

"What? Just like that, _ma cherie_?" Josh asked, using the nick name he gave him.

I looked back at him and gave him yet another glare. I let go of Scott's hand. I walked up to Josh and crossed my arms over my chest. I was clearly pissed off. Everyone else around us backed off, obviously not wanting me to take out my anger on them but Josh didn't seem to care about my anger. He stood in front of me with a smile.

"You're so cute when you're like this," He said to me.

That was it. I had it at that point. I uncrossed my arms and gave Josh my own punch. I don't know what had come over me and I didn't care. It felt good; really good. It was as if I was finally confronting the monster that lived in my closet after years. In a way, it was. I was finally confronting one of the monsters in my life and I wasn't running scared. I wasn't running at all. I was pissed at Josh and I showed it.

Josh looked back at me, after recovering from my punch. The look on his face showed how shocked he was by me finally standing up to him. He wasn't expecting it at all. To me, that just made it all the more fun.

I shook my head lightly and felt myself smile. I turned away again and started to walk away.

"That's it? No goodbye kiss?" Josh asked me.

"That was your goodbye kiss," I stated and looked back at him.

"No. You know how I like my goodbye kisses, Shelby."

Josh started to walk towards me. He had the same graceful walk that he use to have when he was trying to get me to stay for another night or when he was trying to get just one more kiss. He came up to me so close that our bodied were touching. I was surprised Scott didn't shove him away from me but I think Scott knew to stay away at that moment. I think he knew that what was going on was strictly between me and Josh.

I shoved Josh just enough so that we weren't touching and said, "Forget it."

I turned and walked away. I took several steps before I stopped and turned back around. Josh still had a surprised expression on his face and I was loving. It was wrong of me and I knew it but after all the pain and suffering he put me through, it felt nice to not be the one hurting for once.

"I'm over you," I stated. "Accept it."

I walked away with a smile on my face. I felt like I was finally over him. I felt like I had finally confronted and beat my monster. It felt good. I felt whole. It was strange what hitting him did to me. I probably should have questioned it but I didn't. I simply enjoyed the feeling. I hadn't felt like I was safe and like I could go on with my life for a while and I was going to enjoy it.

* * *

The smile I had after punching Josh had lasted almost all day. There were times were it faded but it always came back. Everyone talked to me as if they were talking to a stranger for I was so different. I was me again. The past couple of months, I had been someone completely different and they had all adjusted to it so it was strange to them, maybe even stranger than it was to me.

It was lights out in twenty minutes so we were all simply talking in the lodge and waited for the counselors to announce that we had to go to bed. I was already getting tired so I decided to call it an early night. I said my simple goodbyes to everyone and turned to leave. I stopped at the door and smiled to Scott who smiled back at me. I bit my bottom lip and my smile grew. His smile turned into a smirk and I shook my head lightly. Before our smiles could change or grow any more, I left the lodge.

I started to walk towards the girls dorm and I still had a smile on my face. As I was walking, I felt someone come up behind me. They grabbed me by the waist and pulled me off to the side of the shed. I probably would have fought it off but I assumed it was Scott who wanted a good night kiss. He did that sometimes so it wouldn't have been out of the ordinary.

I looked to see who it was and saw that it wasn't who I thought it was at all. It was Josh. I felt my body tense and I pushed my back to side of the shed. I tried to get as far away from him as possible but it was difficult since he was so close to me and my body was already against the shed. I had no where to go and I didn't like it.

"Over me, are you?" Josh asked in a tone that said he didn't believe that I was.

"Yes," I stated but my voice was bordering on shaking.

"Really?" He asked in an almost seductive voice.

Josh hands started to travel up my arms. He had them on my shoulders for a moment but then soon lowered one of them to just graze one of my breast. My breath caught in my throat. He started to slowly massage the breast he had just touched and my breath quickened. My eyes fluttered closed and my breath left my mouth in quick, heated moans.

I knew that in that moment, I wasn't over him. I was lying to myself before. I would never be over him and I knew that after seeing how much his touch could still affect me. He was right before when he said he would always be there. Whether it was physically or whether it was just in the back of my mind, he would always be there. I could tell everyone in the world what he did to me and have him put in jail and he would still be there. Josh and Walt were the two people that I would never, ever forget.

"You're not over me, _ma cherie_," Josh said to me, which caused me to open my eyes and look at him.

I knew what he was saying was true but I didn't want it to be. I wanted to be over him and I wanted him gone. I hated that he had this pull over me. I didn't know what it was but he could always make me want him in a strange way. Punching him didn't change a thing anymore. It felt good at the time but once he said those words to me, I knew that it didn't help me at all. Not a damn bit.

"You can hit me all you want, but that's only physical rebellion," He told me. "We go a lot deeper than that."

I closed my eyes again and clenched my jaw. I wanted to scream but I knew that he would think of that as winning. I couldn't let him win. I knew that by my mere reaction to his touch, he already thought he had won, but I couldn't let him actually win. I could show him how much his words were affecting me.

I opened my eyes again and looked up at him. He had a smile on his face as if saying 'told ya so' to me. I forced myself not to scream again and continued to look at him. As pathetic as it was, I still thought he was handsome. Josh was probably one of the most handsome men I had ever met and I had known quite a lot of men in my life. To be honest, I think the only one who would ever top him in my book would be Scott.

I couldn't look at him any longer. I turned my back to him and let a deep breath leave my lips. It wasn't a sigh but it was close enough to it to be considered one.

Josh, as if on instinct, wrapped his arms around my waist and my body tensed up again. It wasn't a scared type of tense, more like an intoxicated tense which was very bad. My eyes fluttered shut and I leaned into Josh. I couldn't help it. I didn't really want to but my body wanted to. It was my body that was in control at that moment, not my mind.

"See, _cherie_, you're not over me at all," Josh whispered into my ear.

My eyes almost shot open at his woods and I stood strait again. I took a step forward which caused him to let go of my waist. We weren't touching anymore and it was as if my mind was slowly starting to come back to me. It was gaining back the control it had last when he touched me. I blinked several times and started to walk away from him.

"Where are you going?" Josh asked me and I paused and look to him. "Do you still think that you can win this, Shelby? You can't. You're not over me."

I looked away from him again and said, "Give it time."

I walked away from him slowly and even without looking back, I knew that he had a surprised expression covering his face. I was simply full of surprises that day and I was shocking Josh to no end. He probably hated it but I didn't care. I loved it.

Josh was right, I wasn't over him but that didn't mean I couldn't say 'no' to him. Still, saying 'no' was just the beginning and I knew it. It would never be over him completely. That thought made me stop for a moment and my eyes started to swell with unshed tears. I closed my eyes for a moment to stop the tears from falling and once I opened them again, I continued to walk to the girls dorm.

I walked into the dorm with my eyes still burning. I went strait to my bed and sat down. I pulled my knees to chest and hugged them protectively to me. I was looking down, at my bed and simply gazing off.

"Shelby," I heard Daisy ask which caused me to look at her. "What happened?"

"I'm not over Josh," I stated and ironically chuckled as a tear fell from one of my eyes.

Daisy stood up from her bed and walked over to mine. She sat down next to me and pulled me into a sort of half hug. We sat there for several moments. It was just her and I on my bed. I didn't know where Juliet was and I didn't really care. I enjoyed the solitude. Daisy slowly pulled away from the half hug and looked directly at me.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked even though she very well knew the answer. I shook my head answering anyway. "What about Peter and Sophie?"

"No!" I almost yelled. "I told you before that I wasn't going to tell them and I meant it."

I went back to hugging my knees. I didn't look at Daisy but I knew she was looking at me very carefully.

"I don't want them to know," I said finally after several moments of silence.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because they won't understand."

"You said the same thing about Scott and he seemed to understand perfectly."

"Okay, how about this one?" I started and looked to her. "They think I'm so strong and that I can handle anything. Hell, all of you think that. I don't want to let them down by letting them know that I'm not strong as hell and that I'm as weak as the next one. I don't want them to realize that they've been lying to themselves for almost 2 years."

I looked away from Daisy again and went back to hugging my knees and looking down at my bed. I wanted the conversation done and over with. I didn't want to talk about Josh anymore and I sure as hell didn't want to talk about telling Peter and Sophie about Josh. Daisy must have taken the hint for she stood up and walked back to her own bed, leaving me alone.

I was alone again to fight my own battle. I liked it that way better. At least then, I knew what I had. The only problem with it was that I wasn't sure I was strong enough to fight this battle by myself. But I knew I didn't want the help. I didn't want to let everyone else down. But I didn't want to let myself down either.

* * *

(**A/N**)-Thanks for all of the reviews from: **Melms213**, **Linkie**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GhostWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, **Mickey Ryan**,** Summerfly39**, **FrostySnake**, **kt**, **mary-023,rogue-angel07, Summerfly39, Keela-Shay Baxter, ac5000 **and** HC Lvr. **You guys are the ones that keep writing. I'm happy you're all enjoying this fic even though it's very dark.

Okay, I know this took a while but I was at a loss with what to do with this story for a while. Then once I figured out what I wanted to do, I was doing great for a while(I had 5 pages in one day) and then I lost it. But then I finished it another day about a week later. It wasn't that easy but that's okay. I know this isn't my best chapter but it's still an update. As for the story as a whole, I know how I want it to end and I know it's going to be soon. Next chapter might be the last one or I might devide it into two. There's a lot that needs to be done but it will all happen with in a short period of time.

Next update will be 'Love and War' and I will be finishing it then! Over a year and it's finally coming to an end. I won't spoil much but I will say that it will tie back into the very beginning of the story. So there I know what I want to happen but I don't know how long it will take to actually write. Hopefully my muse will be with me and I can get the update up soon. If my muse isn't in a giving mood, I don't know how long it will be.

As always, please review!


	8. Sweetness

I opened my eyes, waking up, and instantly closed them again. The sun was way too bright for my tastes and it was shining through Juliet's window which made it directly hit me. When I went to sleep the night before, all the shades were closed. Juliet must have opened hers when she woke up. I knew she was awake because her bed was empty and there was singing coming from the bathroom. Daisy didn't sing so I knew it was Juliet. Not to mention, I could always recognize her high pitched, happy voice. After dealing with it for almost two years, I learned to know it, but I never learned to like it. Especially not when she was singing at 7 in the morning.

After a few moments, I finally opened my eyes again but I did it very slowly and reluctantly. I got out of my bed and made sure not to look at Juliet's window. I walked over to it and closed the shade though. I looked around it the room and it was dark again. Much better!

As I walked closer to the bathroom, I realized that I knew the song she was singing. She was singing "A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes" from Cinderella. Her and those damn Disney songs. She was on a Cinderella kick lately though. The other day she was singing "Bibidy Bobidy Boo" and last night she was singing "Cinderelly". I just had to deal with it.

I walked into the bathroom and asked, "What is it with you and Disney songs?"

"What would rather have me sing?" She asked from the shower.

"I don't know," I replied with a small shrug. "Sing songs from The Nightmare Before Christmas or something."

"I don't know any."

"I do," Daisy said as she walked into the bathroom and narrowed her eyes to me. "Do you?"

"Yes," I said slowly.

She wasn't going to make me sing with her, was she? I could tell by the look she was giving me that she was. Damn it! I wasn't really a 'singing' person. I could say 'no' but…oh, what the hell? If it got Daisy to sing, I could endure being forced to as well.

"Fine. You pick the song and I'll join in," I said and meant it.

"There are few who deny at what I do, I am the best for my talents are renowned far and wide," Daisy started singing 'Jack's Lament' and gave me a look that said it was time for me to join in.

"When it comes to surprises, in the moonlit night, I excel without ever even trying," I sang.

"With the slightest little effort of my ghost like charms, I have seen grown men give out a shriek," Juliet sang as she turned off the water in the show. So much for her not knowing the songs. She was stuck singing with us once she let that known.

"With a wave of my hand and a well placed moan, I have swept the very bravest off their feet," I sang with a smile.

"Yet year after year, it's the same routine and I grow so weary of the sound of screams. And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King, have grown so tired of the same old thing," We all sang together.

Juliet stepped out of the shower with her bathrobe tied tightly around her small frame. She had a huge smile on her face; bigger than her usual ones. She was enjoying it. I looked over to Daisy and saw that she had a grin dancing on her lips as well. We were all having fun. It was strange for me, I haven't had fun in a long time. I didn't care though. I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

"Oh somewhere deep, inside of these bones, an emptiness began to grow. There's something out there, far from my home, a longing that I've never known," We continued.

"I'm the master of fright and a demon of light and I'll scare you right out of your pants," Juliet sang.

"To a guy in Kentucky, I'm Mr. Unlucky and I'm known through out England and France," Daisy sang, adding the little French accent Jack added while saying 'France'.

"And since I am dead, I can take off my head to recite Shakespearean quotations," I sang, once again solo.

"No animal nor man can scream like I can with the furry of my recitations," Juliet continued.

"But who here would ever understand that the Pumpkin King, with the skeleton grin, would tire of his crown? If they only understood, he'd give it all up if he only could," Daisy sang, slowing the beat down as the song did.

"Oh, there's an empty place in my bones that calls out for something unknown. The fame and praise come year after year does nothing for these empty tears," We all finished.

Once we got done singing the song, all of us burst into laughter. I never thought I would see Daisy laugh that much and I never thought I would laugh that much either. Juliet just looked over all happy and it was as if it was natural for her. I didn't know about her, but I knew me and Daisy didn't burst into song with our friends on a daily basis. No matter what the reason, none of us could keep ourselves from laughing.

I was just going to enjoy it while I could. I was in a good mood, laughing and having fun with friends. I haven't felt that genuinely happy in a long time. It almost felt foreign to me but I enjoyed it anyway. It was good to know I woke up in a good mood. Maybe that day wouldn't suck after all. But I knew better than to think I would stay that way for long. Especially while Josh was still there.

* * *

I had a smile on my face for a long time. I was in a good mood and enjoying it. But, it all went away just like I knew it would. The moment I saw Josh after group, my smile went away and I was instantly tense again. He was right the night before when he said I wasn't over him. I should have known better than to think I was. But, I couldn't change that. 

Josh wasn't his usual cold self right then though. He wore a smile on his face and carried flowers in his hand. The only thing I could really think was: _what the hell?_ He walked slowly and almost carefully up to me. I stopped in front of him and just gave him a confused look. Before I knew it, he was holding the flowers out to me.

"Look, last night, I took this whole thing with you too far," Josh said in a soft, sweet tone as he still held the flowers out to me. "And I'm sorry for it. I shouldn't have pushed you."

I wanted to melt and fall into his arms at that. He was being sweet and gentle and he was apologizing. He was being the same guy that made me stay with him in the first place. I always put up with the pain because he always made up for it. Flowers, sweet apologies, expensive, candle lit dinners; whatever he could come up with. It was just another one of his ploys for me to forgive him and continue with it.

"I really am," He stated, giving me soft, loving eyes.

I closed my eyes and looked away from him. I didn't care where I looked, as long as it was away from him. I knew the act and I still couldn't say 'no' to it. He was always so damn good and getting me to forgive him. I couldn't help it. I would look into those beautiful dark eyes of his and fall right back into him. I knew that if I forgave him I would be right back in that hell he put me in but I never couldn't say 'no' to him when he asked for my forgiveness. Maybe I could in light of recent events?

"Josh," I started and planned on saying 'no, I don't forgive you' but the words never came out.

"Shelby, I'm sorry," He persisted and put the flowers back to his side. "I didn't mean to hurt you. And I didn't know you were going to be here when I got sent here. I just saw you and thought of all the good times we had together."

He was right. We did have some really good times together. The first month or so with him was amazing but that quickly changed. After some time, we started having more bad times than good times. It was then that I only came back for the money that I would get and that was only because I really needed the money. I couldn't let the good times with him blind me though. I just couldn't!

"You're right, Josh," I said and looked back to him. "We did have some good times together. But we had to many bad ones and they cancel the good times out."

"Shelby," He said, putting so much emotion into my name. "I never meant to hurt you. Before or now."

"I've heard all of this before!" I exclaimed.

"I know. I've screwed up a lot with you. I'm hoping you'll give me another chance though."

"I've given you too many chances, Josh. And each time I gave you another chance, you've found yet another way to hurt me."

I hated saying everything I was saying because of the simple truth to my words. I was stupid enough to give him another chance time and time again. One would think that after a certain point, I would know better but I didn't then. Before Horizon, I really was a little girl who thought there could be good in everyone but Walt. But I was very, very wrong. Josh ended up becoming another monster of mine. He was almost as high on my list as Walt. In fact, Walt was the only one higher than Josh. And I kept giving Josh another chance. I really was an idiot.

"Shelby, I'll change. I don't want to hurt you," Josh said, still in his sweet tone. "I want you back with me. How we used to be, before everything got so messed up. I could have picked up other girls on the streets but I kept coming back to you because I cared about you."

"Josh, even if I did want to be back with you, I'm with Scott now," I stated in an almost cold tone. "I love Scott, not you. Maybe there was a time when I did love you and that's why I kept coming back to you but whatever feelings I felt for you are gone now."

"You don't mean that. You still care about me."

"No, I don't still care about you. I'm not over you, I'll admit that, but I don't still care about you. There is one guy in my life that I care about like that and it's Scott."

"So you're really going to throw away everything we had together and could have again because of some guy?" Josh asked and sounded astonished by the idea.

I thought about his question seriously for several moments. We did once upon a time have a good life together. We were a cute couple and I actually did care about him but that was gone. He hurt me, physically and emotionally, too many times for me to accept his sweet gestures. They didn't work on me anymore. Horizon taught me better than to accept things like that. Not to mention, I loved Scott and he loved me. He wouldn't hurt me like Josh did. Scott just wasn't the type of guy to do that.

"Yes," I stated in a soft and almost unsure tone.

"Shelby, please," He said and held out the flowers again.

I took the flowers from his hand. I wasn't sure why but I did. Maybe it was just so he would stop holding them out to me or maybe it was because a part of me really did want to accept his apology. It was probably the latter but I wouldn't say that out loud.

"I can't, Josh," I said.

"Can't or won't?" He asked in a hurt voice.

"Both," I answered.

Josh looked like I had just slapped him in the face. I had never said 'no' to him on any matter before he came to Horizon but I especially never said 'no' to his apologies. I always caved and ended up in his bed yet again. And the first night was always pure pleasure but then in the next nights, he would slowly go back to the sadistic bastard he was. I wasn't going to do that again, I couldn't.

"Shelby," He said, almost pleading.

"No, Josh," I said. "Not again."

With those words, I turned on my heel and started to walk away. I still had the flowers in my hand and part of me still wanted to forgive him but I didn't. I looked into his face and wanted to even more so I had to just walk away. I had won another battle in my war against Josh but I knew I still had a lot to do. The fact that I wanted to forgive him proved that.

* * *

My day was pretty much filled with me thinking. About Josh mainly and about how he tried to pull the same old act he always went for. As bad as the act is and as well as I know it, I still wanted to accept his apology. Why, though? I should know better, shouldn't I? I guess not. I don't know. I hate the fact that he still has that pull over me. I didn't know if anything would ever get rid of that pull he had over me but I was hoping that with time, I could over come that power. I had to be able to over come that or I would go mad, I just knew it. 

My day was filled with Josh and so was my night, unfortunately. I tried sleeping and I actually managed to fall asleep after only about half an hour of trying. That was a new record for me since Josh had been there save for the night after I saw Scott. I didn't even sleep that night. But my sleep was disturbed by a dream. Not so much a dream as a memory, actually.

**Dream**

_I was sitting at a table that had been completely decorated. It had a blood red, silk table cloth over it had two plate settings of white and silver china. The center piece was a bouquet of white roses in a beautiful glass vase and the roses had a white candle stick on both sides. It was a beautiful picture to see. _

_I stood before the table in a simple black dress. My blonde hair was down but it was curled. I was all dolled up. Josh stood next to the table and gazed at me with his dark eyes. There was something else behind his eyes in that moment. Instead of the usual darkness that I saw in them, I saw a softness which made them look a shade lighter. He had those eyes on me in a loving stare that I couldn't keep myself from looking at. Josh had another bouquet of white roses in his hands and they were stretched out to me._

"_I never meant to hurt you last night, Shelby," Josh spoke softly and sweetly. "Everything got a little out of hand and I'm sorry about that."_

_The night before flooded into my mind and the thing that stood out the most was my scream. It wasn't a pleasurable moan, but a scream from pain. My hand moved to my side before I could stop it. I pulled my hand away quickly and looked at it. I gazed at my hand as if it still had the blood on it. My blood. Blood from when he squeezed me so hard that he pinched me and drew blood. I had a small scab there now, on both of my sides actually. _

_After a few moments, I looked back at Josh and saw him still giving me that look; his loving, longing, sorry look._

"_I'm sorry, _ma cherie,_" He said, using the nickname he gave me and adding that fake, yet perfect, French accent. "Please, forgive me."_

_He held the flowers out to me again. I assumed he pulled them back to himself while I was looking at my hand but I couldn't be sure. My eyes flickered to the flowers in his hands and then back up it. I wanted to forgive him. I did. But, would he do it again? Would he loose control again and hurt me so badly that I would scream out in pain again? No. He wouldn't. He couldn't. He cared about me, didn't he? And if he did, then he wouldn't hurt me again. He would be sure not to._

"_You didn't have to do all of this, Josh," I said for it was the only thing I could think to say._

"_Yes, I did. I messed up with you last night and I want you to know that I wouldn't happen again," He replied to me, adding a touch of sadness to his voice._

"_Fine," I said simply because I couldn't say 'no'. "Thank you."_

_I took the flowers from him and he smiled. It wasn't the cold smile I had known to get from him but a genuine smile. He actually seemed happy that I forgave him. But I couldn't not forgive him. After such a short period of time, I had grown way too fond of him not to forgive him. He gave me money still long after I told him he could stop and he took care of me._

_Josh came around and pulled the chair out for me so I could sit. Once I sat in the chair and was comfortable at the table, Josh took his own seat across from me. The center piece and candles were short enough so that I could look right over them and see him watching me with a smile. _

"_I swear, it won't happen again," Josh told me with a little bit of sadness in his voice._

**End Dream**

I shot up in my bed and found my hands searching my body for some reason. What I was searching for, I didn't know. Maybe to make sure I was still there. Yeah, I'm betting it was that one. I wanted to make sure I had woken up and I wasn't still trapped in my dream. Ever since Josh got to Horizon my memory dreams have grown more and more frequent.

I can't believe I forgave him and actually believed him that night. He told me it wouldn't happen again and I fucking believed him. It happened again alright – dozens of times. I was stupid for forgiving him then and for almost forgiving when he tried apologizing earlier that day. What could I say? I was naïve when I thought he would actually be a good guy again. He never went back to the guy I met. Ever since that first night, he was the cruel man I grew to know.

I threw my blankets off and got out of my bed. I couldn't stay down again. But I knew that if I got out of bed and didn't do anything, I would pace. I didn't want to pace. I looked out my window and saw that it was almost dawn. False dawn already covered the sky. I knew it was only a matter of time before Sophie came in to wake us up. So, I just stayed up for I knew there was no way in hell I would be able to fall back asleep. Not with that dream still so fresh in my mind.

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I leaned my body against the support frame of the door and slid down onto the ground. I didn't want to think about Josh but he was the only thing on my mind. Why couldn't I have dreams about Scott again? The good guy I was in love with! But, no, I had to dream about the monster who haunted my past and lately my present as well.

Why was he such a huge part of my life? Did I really love him once upon a time? I cared for him, yes, but I didn't know if I loved him. How could I love someone who hurt me as much as he did? Uh! I didn't know anything anymore. Especially when it came to Josh. I think I did love him though. I hate him but I did love him before. I have no idea why but I did. And the problem is, he did still thinks I do love him. I have to let him know that I don't. But if I go up to him and try to tell him, I didn't know what would really come out of my mouth. There could be a lot of things that slipped out and none of those things would be good.

I leaned my head against the door and tried to think of what to day to Josh. I wanted to have it all planned out so nothing could slip. I needed to know exactly what I would say and how I would say. I couldn't have any room for screw ups.

* * *

I found myself outside of the boys dorm before I really knew what came over me. I wanted to be as quiet as possible for I didn't want to wake the other boys but I had to wake Josh. I had to talk to him. I had to let him know everything. I still didn't know fully what I was going to say but I had the main point figured out and that was better than nothing. Especially for me. But I really didn't want to wake Scott. I didn't know if he would be mad that I came to talk to Josh and not to him or if he would be jealous. Better to not find out. 

I didn't know which window was Josh's so I had to go by process of elimination. I knew which window was Scott's and I knew Auggie slept next to him so I knew not to knock of either of those windows. But then I was stuck trying to figure out which window was Ezra's, David's and which one was Josh's. I took a deep breath and tried to think. I jogged my memory quickly and tried to remember which one was Ezra's from the few times I had been in the boys dorm. My memory didn't help me any so I was left with only my luck. And I didn't have good luck.

I raised my hand slowly to the window furthest to the right and knocked very softly. If I was right, and it was Josh's window, I knew that soft knock would wake him up. He was a light sleeper. Much to my surprise, and my relief, I saw Josh's face appear in the window. I don't know what kind of expression he read off of my face but he nodded and closed the shade again.

The next thing I knew, I heard the door open and I saw Josh walk down the few steps. My breath caught in my throat as I realized that I really had to talk. I knew what to say but I was almost afraid to say it. I wasn't sure why, but I was. It must have been that small pull he still had over me. I still didn't really want to say 'no' to him but I had to tell him what was on my mind. It was the only thing that would keep me fully sane and that moment and I knew it.

"Shelby, what are you doing here at 5 in the morning?" Josh asked me, sounding a little surprised. I didn't say anything to his words and that's when he started making assumptions. "Oh, I knew you'd forgive me."

"I don't forgive you, Josh," I said quickly. "I wanted to, yes, but I didn't."

"If you want to then why didn't you?" He asked, puzzlement all over his face.

I took a deep breath and tried to think about how I could phrase what I wanted to say. I didn't want to sound cold or weak but I knew one or the other would happen. After a few moments, I gave up on trying to think of how to put it and realized I just had to say it.

"I couldn't forgive you, Josh. There was once a time when I would have forgiven you for almost anything but that time is long gone," I said and forced to keep my voice steady. "There was also once a time when I loved you. I'm not even going to try and deny that anymore. I did love you but I don't anymore. And I think that's why I wanted to forgive you. I thought back to how I loved you and wanted to be that girl again. But I'm not that girl anymore. I've changed and I'm not going to let you use and abuse me anymore. I don't love you anymore."

I said everything I felt and it felt so good to finally get it all off. It was as if it was something I had practiced in front of the mirror and finally did in real life. I didn't practice in front of a mirror but I did try and rehearse it in my mind. Whether that did any good or not, I didn't know. I just knew that I said everything I had been thinking and feeling since he had come to Horizon and it felt wonderful to get it out.

"But…" Josh started but trailed off.

His face was covered in complete shock. I was expecting something closer to anger but he just had shock and maybe a touch of pain underneath that. I think he was at a loss of words. It was a new thing for me. Usually he always had a comment about everything. But he didn't have anything to say. I felt like, for once, I had the upper hand in a conversation with him.

"No," He stated and gave me the cold eyes I was expecting. "No, you can't just say that. You can't just turn me down like that."

"I just did," I said simply.

I didn't want whatever kind of conversation we were having to continue. I didn't want to deal with Josh or myself at that moment. I got what I wanted to say out and I was done. The conversation was over as far as I was concerned. I turned on my heel and started to walk back to the girl's dorm but Josh's hand on my arm prevented me from going too far. Since he was holding on to me, I turned back and looked at him.

"You think it's that simple?" He asked, a touch of anger in his voice. "You think you can just wake me up at 5 in the morning and tell me all that shit and that I'm just going to accept it?"

"Yeah," I replied honestly. "You're going to just accept it 'cause you don't have a choice but to."

I shook my arm quickly and forcefully and it got him to let go of it. I gave Josh my own cold eyes and a small smile slid onto my face. It felt good to be standing up to him again. I didn't know if it would last this time around but I wanted it do. And even if it didn't, I was going to enjoy my new found power while it was still there. Actually, it wasn't even a new found power for me. I was just being my normal self. It felt good to be almost in my own skin again.

"You've lost, Josh," I stated. "I'm not going back to you again."

I turned again and started to walk away again. Only that time, Josh didn't try to grab me and prevent it. I didn't know if it was because he knew better or what it was but he didn't touch me. He called my name after me and tried to get me back to him that way but it didn't work.

For the first time, I felt free because I didn't let his sweetness get to me. I could admit to him that I loved him once upon a time and still be free of him. I wasn't fully free of him, true, not yet at least but I was getting closer and closer. More and more of the real me was coming back and I was welcoming it with open arms. I had everything that mattered back in my life; Scott, my friends and my support at Horizon. And with more of the real me coming back, maybe I could win that battle against Josh.

* * *

(**A/N**)-Thanks for all of the reviews from: **Melms213**, **Linkie**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GhostWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, **Mickey Ryan**,** Summerfly39**, **FrostySnake**, **kt**, **mary-023,rogue-angel07, Summerfly39, Keela-Shay Baxter, ac5000, JennyEngal **and** HC Lvr. **You guys are the ones that keep writing. I'm happy you're all enjoying this fic even though it's very dark. 

Okay, so I know I said it would be a while before I got an update up but my muse must have been with me. She was in a very giving mood this last week. Usually this story is diificult for me write because it's so dark but I had something happen in my person life that put me that type of mood, which made this story a lot easier to write. If I had been writing "Memories" or "All Because of a Play" you guys wouldn't have gotten an update so quickly. It's as but true.

As for my updates, "Memories" will be written next. I doubt I'll get it up as quick as I got this up but we'll see. If my muse is still in a giving mood, I might get it up quickly. But, don't expect it. I take my writing very seriously but my personal life is still number 1 for me. Plus, when I write, I want to make sure I'm happy with what I'm about to post and it takes a lot for me to be happy with my work and I think some of my readers know that.

Anyway, please review and let me know how I did!


	9. Lost

I looked around the janitor's shed in awe. It was decorated beautifully. If I had been the one to do it, then I would have been very proud of myself but it wasn't me. It was Scott. There were red and white rose petals spread across the floor with a very bold red trail to somewhere. I couldn't help but wonder how he got all the roses but I didn't want to ask. It was too sweet for me to go ahead and ruin it by asking a question.

I followed the path and had to step on the petals in order to do so. I didn't to but I had no choice. I walked around a corner to see Scott standing there with his shirt unbuttoned so I could see his bear, first chest. He held a single red rose in his hands and had a sweet, soft smile on his face.

At the sight of him, I felt myself smile. The sight was breathtaking. I scanned his body and let a breath escape my mouth. I was expecting what I was seeing even though I had seen Scott before. It didn't matter though. I would always smile when I saw him like that. I noticed him giving me a knowing smile and I felt my cheeks warm. I was blushing. Damn it! He was the only one who had that effect on me.

"For you," Scott said as he held the rose out to me.

"Scott, you shouldn't have," I replied but accepted the rose from him.

"Yes, I should have. You deserve some pampering from your boyfriend."

As much as I may have liked to, I couldn't argue that. After everything I have been through with Josh, I did sort of feel like I deserved to be pampered. But everything was did seemed a little over the top. It looked like a scene out of some corny, yet adorable, romantic comedy. Great, all I needed was for life to be more like a movie.

"I heard about what you did with Josh the other day," Scott commented.

"Yeah, everyone seems to have a theory," I remarked dryly.

"But I know. He hasn't stopped bitching about it since you've done it."

I smiled at that. I like to hear that I had hurt Josh. It was a huge amount of pain that he felt and I didn't use my full strength against him but it was a small kind of accomplishment. I wouldn't use my full strength against him though, not yet. To be entirely honest, I didn't know if I would ever be able to use my full strength against him.

"I find this hard to say without sounding condescending but, I'm proud of you," Scott said.

"Thanks," I found myself saying before I could stop myself.

"You're free of him."

"Not yet. But I'm not my way."

"And finally that bastard will leave us alone."

"Dare to dream, Scott," I replied with a sad smile.

I saw Scott give me and equally sad smile. We both wished that Josh would leave me alone to be happy but I think we both knew better than to rely on that wish. We both had seen and dealt with too much in our lives to expect our wished to be granted. We knew better. At least, I knew better. I think Scott still thought that Josh would just back and I would be free. But I knew better than to think Josh would back off by himself. I wasn't as naïve as I once was.

I had too many things running through my mind. I was so busy thinking of everything that I didn't even realize that I had looked away from Scott until he touched the side of my face. It was just a brush of finger tips but it was enough to get my attention. Our eyes locked and it was as if nothing needed to be said in that moment. He gave me a small grin before he pulled me into a kiss. I swear, it was as if our lives that night were directly out of a fucking movie!

I responded to the kiss, however surprising it may have been. It was a welcome distraction. But Scott was more than a distraction to me. I loved him. He was the exact opposite of Josh and I need that. If Scott had kissed me like he was a couple of weeks ago, then I wouldn't be as calm and responsive as I was. I would have been tense and I probably would have pulled away with in a few moments. Does that mean that I'm getting over Josh or that I see Scott differently? I didn't know.

The kiss grew somehow more passionate and fierce. It took me a few seconds to realize that I was the one to cause the kiss to intensify. I felt myself drop the rose as I pushed Scott's head into mine more. The pressure of the kiss made it almost bruising but it was in a good way. Before I knew it, my back was being pushed up against one of the walls. I didn't even realize I had moved.

I jumped off the ground and into Scott's arms. I did it so suddenly that I was surprised he had caught me. He did though. His hands were on my thighs and buss as he held me around the waist. I loved having a strong boyfriend! It wasn't that I thought I was fat or heavy or anything like that. But he was quick and strong. I could do that several times in a row without his knowing and he would probably still catch me. I guess that's what I get for being with a jock.

I was so lost in ecstasy at that point that nothing could bother me. Scott squeezed my butt gently as my hands roamed his bare chest. Our mouths were into each others with such force that it should have hurt but it didn't. It was blissful. As my hands traveled Scott they stopped at the top of his pants. I wasn't if I was fully ready but I wanted it.

I wouldn't say Scott dropped me but he wasn't gentle when he put me on the ground. He pulled away from the kiss as quickly as he put me down. He had a surprised looked he was breathing heavy. I assumed the breathing was from our kiss since I was out of breath as well but I wasn't sure about the shock. Was it that I wanted to have sex?

"Are you sure you want to?" Scott asked and answered my mental question. "I mean, I want to but are you ready?"

"We've done this before," I replied.

"Not since Josh," He reminded me. "You haven't been ready to since he came."

"I'm sick of letting my past with Josh rule over my present with you. You planned this beautiful thing for me. The least I could so is say thank you."

"Sex isn't the same as saying thank you."

"If you don't want to then just say it so I can stop making a fool of myself."

Scott raised his hand to the side of my face and I leaned into his touch. I caught a small smile on his face when he saw how much his touch had effected me. I didn't think I would ever be able to have that effect on him.

"You're not making a fool of yourself," Scott said with his small smile. "I do want to but I can't help but feel like I'm pushing you."

"You're not," I stated and grabbed his hand away from me face to hold it in my hands. "I'm the one who initiated it, remember? I want to."

Scott and I stared at each other for some time, I wasn't sure how long. It was a look of almost pure understanding. I knew in that moment that he wasn't going to fight with me anymore. His actions told me he was but the look in his eyes said different. He wanted it as much as I did but his body was still tense. I could tell he was still apprehensive. But it was up to me to get rid of that tension.

Scott's hand was still in mine so I decided to use that to my advantage. I kept my eyes on his as I started to lay soft kisses on the tip of his fingers. The look in my eyes told him everything he needed to know. I was okay with what was about to happen. He didn't have to worry about me anymore. I wasn't going to run off. I think that was why he was worried before. He thought he was pushing me further than I was ready to go but he wasn't.

Scott gazed down at me as I kissed his hand and it took him a few moments to realize what I was trying to do. But once he noticed, he relaxed just how I wanted him to. Yay, me. I locked the tip of his index finger gently and he closed his eyes for a moment. I guess that meant I was doing good. His eyes opened again and he pulled his hand away from me slowly. His next movement wasn't so slow though. He grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss. It wasn't a soft, sweet kiss by far. It was fierce, passionate and powerful. I liked it. My eyes closed instantly and I gave myself to the kiss. Our mouths opened to each other and I bid myself entrance into his mouth.

Scott's hands searched my body with speed. He rubbed my hips for several moments before he found my shirt. He pulled gently on it before he lifted it over my head which forced us to separate for a moment. Our mouths found each other again instantly. My hands traveled Scott's firm, bare chest and I enjoyed the touch of his flesh. Soft, smooth and hard; wonderful! One of his hands found my bra clasp in the back and he undid it with ease. I moved just enough for my bra to fall to the floor. Scott unbuttoned shirt fell to the floor at the same time my bra did.

After we both nude from the waist up, our mouths separated. We were both breathing heavy but it's rare for a really good kiss to not make one a little out of breath. Our eyes locked and in that moment, we both gave soft smiles. It didn't take Scott long to recover from the kiss though. With in a few seconds, his mouth found my body. He kissed down my neck, giving gentle nibbles. I shivered at his touch and I felt him smile against my skin. Good to know I could make him happy. One of his hands moved to one of my breasts and he started to gentle rub it, his thumb sliding over my nipple. Another shiver came and he took even more joy in it. I gave myself to the pleasure for a few moments before I pulled away.

It was my turn. I pushed Scott against the wall and gave him a seductive grin. My tongue traced down Scott's neck and onto his collar bone. I went lover and laid kick kissed down his chest. I gave a quick flick of my tongue over his nipple and found them hardening at the touch. I smiled to myself. I did it again and Scott shuddered under me. It was like payback only better. I looked up at him with a smile and saw him looking down at me.

Scott grabbed my arms and pulled me up again. He kissed me again and I responded quickly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his own around my waist. He picked me up and turned us around so my back was against the wall again. He put me down again once he had me where he wanted me and started to undo my jeans. I didn't mind in the least. Hell, I mirrored him. It was only a few second before we both stood there almost completely naked. I had a thong on, he had his boxers on and that was it.

"I think that's enough foreplay," Scott said quickly after he pulled away from the kiss.

"Oh, yeah," I agreed with a fast nod, knowing that we were both more than ready and started to kiss him again.

* * *

I walked into the girls cabin with a smile still on my face. It was amazing! Not even really what happened with Scott even though that was amazing but the fact that I could do it without freaking out said something. At least, in my mind it meant something. I knew I wasn't over Josh, not by a long shot but my ability to be with Scott meant that I was getting closer and closer.

I looked around the room and saw that Juliet and Daisy were asleep. If I hadn't met Scott, I would have been too but that was irrelevant. I didn't want to wake them, but I was no where near ready for bed. Scott definitely knew how to wake a girl up. It should have been that he put me to sleep, but it was the opposite. The type of sex we had was not meant for sleeping afterwards. I didn't mind. I would probably hate Scott for it in the morning and he would feel the same towards me but at the moment, I didn't give a damn.

I snuck past the beds and into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and turned to face the mirror over my sink. My hair was messed up, not a goon sign. I had sex hair. Shit! Hopefully no one would walk in and question me. I wasn't sure I'd be able to talk myself out of that one. I played with my hair a little and tried to get it semi-presentable. It kind of worked. I was still thankful for the girls being asleep.

"Nice try, sweety," Daisy said from the door way.

My eyes shot to her. When did she come in? Hell, when did she wake up? How the fuck didn't I hear her open the door? I gave a small, almost nervous smile in her direction. I offered my best innocent shrug. Please, don't let her ask me what happened. And don't let her know what happened without asking me. It was Daisy, and I would probably tell her anyway but I didn't need her questioning me before I got rid of the evidence. I wanted to shower and get…everything off of me first.

"What do you mean?" I asked and looked back to the mirror for I knew I couldn't lie to Daisy's face.

"Don't play the innocent act with me, Shelby," Daisy almost scolded but her smile gave it away. "You were gone too long for you two to not have done something. Plus, you have sex hair."

I looked back to Daisy and gently bit my bottom lip. I gave another shrug to her with a look to match it. She caught me. There was no point in trying to deny it, not with Daisy. She knew me probably better than anyone and she could see right through my lies. Even before we became best friends, she could see right through my invisible mask. Daisy saw me like no one else did or ever could. I guess that's what happens with true best friends. There's no lying to them. It would be pointless.

"Even you would have fallen for what he did," I said and pointed at her quickly.

"You're right, I probably would have," She agreed with a nod.

"You don't even know what he did."

"Do you honestly think Scott came up with that little get up by himself?"

"Are you saying…."

"I helped him come up with it," She said with another nod. "But I have to say, he came up with most of it by himself. I only suggest that his shirt be unbuttoned."

"Bad girl!" I said with a grin.

"What can I say? I had to think like you in order for that to work."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. Daisy joined in. Thinking like me, or even as most teenage girls think, wasn't exactly that girls strong point. I had to admit that I was impressed she's the one who suggested his shirt being unbuttoned. I would have thought it would be him pushing for that her dead against it. Shows what I know. But, to be honest, I didn't care who thought of what. Those two together created an amazing scene for me. I should just shut up and enjoy it.

I walked over to Daisy and wrapped one of me arms around her shoulders. She gazed at ourselves in the mirror with smiles on our faces. It was rare that anyone really saw Daisy smile and same for me lately so we enjoyed it.

"Thank you," I said.

"Did you enjoy it?" She asked.

"Hell yes!"

"Then it was worth it," Daisy said and turned to face me. "You deserved some good memories from these months while Josh has been here."

"Well, this is definitely one of them."

I gave Daisy a serious look. My night with Scott isn't the only good memory I have had while Josh has been at Horizon. In fact, most of my good memories since he came were with Daisy. She was there for me and listened to the horror of my past. She never judged me and never argued me. She really was the best friend that every girl wished they could have. But I had her.

"But it's not the only one," I added.

"Oh, yeah? What else?" She asked, her voice almost humor filled.

"All the talks I've had with you. You've been there for me non stop," I said and pulled her into a half hug. "Thank you."

"Hey, what are friends for?"

"I have a lot of friends here, Daisy and none of them match up to you. So, in this case, you're not just a friend. You're a best friend."

It was Daisy's turn to give me a serious look. She stared at me for several moments before she finally cracked a small smile. She made our half hug a full hug and I welcomed it. I squeezed her tighter and she did the same to me.

"You're welcome, Shelby," She whispered into me ear.

I smiled again and slowly pulled away from the hug. My smile turned into a grin the moment I saw Daisy's face. We were both surprised at how emotional we just were. Daisy was probably the last person on Earth to not tease a person about what I said and I was not the type say those kind of things often.

"All right, enough of this girly bullshit," I said. "Let's go to bed."

"What about your shower?" She asked.

"I'm too tired to shower right now. I'll shower in the morning."

"Sounds like a plan."

We walked out of the bathroom together and she turned off the light on the way out. We both walked our separate ways to our beds and that was the last thing I remembered. I fell asleep almost instantly. I didn't care if I was still in jeans. I was exhausted. I let sleep wash over me like a bug blanket, and I was gone.

* * *

My mouth opened and I yawned. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop yawning to save my life. I shouldn't be that tired though. True, I didn't get a full night of sleep the night before but that has happened to me before and I was okay. I guess it was my bodies way of telling me that I couldn't go on no sleep for long periods of time. Not sleeping from bad dreams, too much thinking or being out was beginning to catch up to me.

I felt kind of bad. We were all sitting in the lodge laughing about something or other that happened through out the day and all I could think about was sleep. My mind was so fixed on sleeping that I didn't even really take noticed that Josh wasn't there. Why should I care if he was there or not? I hated it when he was there anyway. I should take joy in the fact that he didn't show up but I couldn't at that point. I couldn't really take joy in anything but the feel of my bed. Scott was holding me in his arms and I still didn't feel happy. I felt grumpy about being awake.

Everyone stood up but since I wasn't paying attention to the ongoing conversation, I had no idea where they were all going. It wasn't lights out yet so they weren't going back to the dorms, I knew that much. But if they weren't going to the dorms, then where were they heading to? And even more important, did I really have the strength to accompany them?

"Where are we going?" I asked, my voice showing that I was obviously tired.

"Weren't you paying attentions, blondie? We're going to the gazebo," David said.

If I were fully away, I probably would have made a remark about him just calling me a blonde but I was too tired to care. I settled for glaring at him. Damn. That just showed me how tired I really was. Someone had just called me a blonde and I didn't snap at them. Okay, I needed my bed. That was that. I wasn't going to go to the gazebo with them, I was going to bed.

"Okay, well you guys have fun with that," I said and stood up. "I'm going to bed."

"Already?" Scott asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired because _someone_ kept me up for the majority of the night," I replied, actually offering a smile and a small wink.

"You weren't arguing last night," Scott reminded, teasing me.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But now, I'm going to bed."

I turned to walk away but Scott didn't let go of my hand. I looked back to him and was about to tell him to let go of me when he pulled me back to him. He looked down at me with his baby blue eyes and I couldn't stop another smile. He gave me a gentle kiss on the lips, apparently not caring if anyone saw. He pulled away and let go me almost reluctantly.

"Good night," He said softly.

"Night," I replied and walked out of the lodge.

I walked from the lodge towards the cabin. It wasn't really cold out but since I was so tired, it felt cold to me. I was hugging myself and rubbing my arms with my hands in an attempt to warm up. I hated being tired! It altered my whole reality and existence when I'm that bad. All I wanted was to sleep in my bed and wrap my blanket around my body. It was the only thought that kept me going.

I reached the dorm after a few minutes of walking it seemed like a God send. I walked in the door and closed it behind me. Walking strait back to my cubby, to grab new clothes. I grabbed a black tank top and a pair of blue pajama pants and threw them on my bed. I walked over to my bed, pulling my shirt off on the way. No one was there so I wasn't going to try and hide myself; there was no point in it. I pulled the tank top on over my head and went to take off my jeans but decided against it. My jeans were comfortable enough for me to sleep in. If I could handle it one night then I could handle it again. I sat down on my bed and was about to take off my shoes when I heard a noise. It wasn't the girls, they weren't there.

I got off my bed and walked towards the noise, which was come from near the door. I heard another noise only it sounded louder since I was probably closer. My head moved slightly and I became a little bit more aware of everything. I forced myself to not let the stupid, 'is someone there?' question slip out of my mouth. I could tell someone was there, I didn't need anymore confirmation about that. The question was, who? Why could some into play too but I was concerned with the who first. I could figure out what they wanted after I knew who it was.

"Who's there?" I asked, voice normal.

"Awe, you couldn't feel that it was me?" I heard Josh ask in a mocking tone from behind me.

"Don't tell me that I hurt your feelings," I replied and sounded bitter. Good. I wanted to sound bitter, it was better than shaky.

"You hurt my feelings before tonight, Shelby."

Josh touched the side of my face gently and carefully turned me to face him. He had a soft expression on his face that made the moment sweet instead of sinister. I looked into his eyes and the moment our eyes found each other, I regretted it. I almost wanted to fall into his arms and let myself be covered in his kisses. I almost wanted to be his again. Almost wasn't enough though. I couldn't forget everything he did to me.

My eyes turned cold again and I gave a small grin but it didn't reach my eyes.

"You'll get over it," I said to him and turned away.

"I haven't yet," He said, following me.

"Too bad."

"When did you get so feisty, _ma cherie_?"

"I've always been this feisty, just not to you. And don't call me that."

"Why can you suddenly be cruel to me in a way you couldn't before?"

"Because I'm over you," I stated.

My words made me face reality a little. Was I really over him? I knew I was partially over him but I wasn't fully. I didn't know if I ever would be fully over him. But saying it out loud to him felt good, powerful. I felt like I kind of had some of my strength back. My sharp tongue and my strength is part of what made me who I was. I missed feeling that way, especially around and towards Josh. He wasn't in control of me anymore.

"Over me, are you?" Josh asked me with a wicked smile, humor dripping from his voice.

Yes," I said, giving him cold eyes.

"You're not over me, _ma cherie_."

He had such confidence in his voice that I doubted myself. What if he was right? What if I wasn't over him? If he came after me, would I have the power to say 'no' to him? Would I have the strength to push him away? Truth be told, I wasn't sure I wanted to find out because if the answer was 'no', things would end badly. I couldn't even bring myself to tell him to not call me '_ma cherie_'.

"Yes, I am," I said, forcing my voice to stay calm.

"Really?" He asked, teasing.

He took a few, slow steps towards me and I felt myself tense up. My stomach tightened and my heart began to speed up. It beat so fast that I could actually feel my pulse in my throat; I couldn't practically taste it. My eyes watched him as he came closer and closer to me. It took all my will power not to take a step back with every step he took towards me.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he took one more step.

"If you're so over me, then it shouldn't be a problem if I touch you," He answered.

"What if I don't want you touching me?"

"What if I don't care? Besides, it won't bother you. You're over me, remember?"

I didn't say anything. I nodded since I didn't really trust my voice. I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't think I would be able to handle it. He raised his hand slowly and I watched it as it moved. He touched the side of my face and I closed my eyes for a moment. I opened them quickly as if waking up from a bad dream and turned around. _No_, I thought with my back to him. I wasn't going to fall for it and be his slave again. I came too far to let that happen. I had to fight it and I couldn't do that while looking at him. So, I found myself staring at the wall. Still, it was than his face, safer some how.

Josh hesitated. I wasn't sure if his hesitation was a good thing or a bad thing. I could never be sure of anything with him. He grabbed my hips and pulled me against his body so forcefully that I would have fell if his body wasn't there. His body was pressed against my back with his hands still on my hips. He rubbed my hips and slowly moved one of his hands up to my stomach. My eyes fluttered shut and I shivered before I could stop myself. It felt good. It made me want to fall into his arms willingly and be lost in his body. Damn it! What was I doing? No. I couldn't give into him. I had to fight it, God damn it!

"No," I whispered and stepped forward, away from him.

"No?" He asked, was force.

I turned around and walked past him. I couldn't be that close to him anymore. I had to take a stand against him and that meant not being close to him. As bad it was, I couldn't turn him down when he was so close. When he was in range of touching me, I worried.

"I'm not going to give into you again, Josh," I stated. "I won't."

"You think you have a choice?" Josh asked as he turned around to look at me with cold eyes. "You want me, Shelby. You just proved that my letting me touch you."

"And I proved that I don't by pulling away."

"That doesn't matter. What we have is never going to go away. You have to see that."

He started taking a few steps closer to me and I couldn't bring myself to not take steps back that time. I moved back with every step he took. I didn't want him close to me. My stomach tightened and my body grew tense again. I felt like a lost, little girl, facing some horrible monster and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. All I could do was look at the thing in front of me in terror.

"Don't come any closer," I said and actually managed to sound a little threatening.

"Or what? You'll hit me again?" He asked back.

"Just don't come any closer. In fact, I think you should leave."

"And just because you want me to go, you think I'm going to?"

"Enough with the fucking sinister attitude and the mocking! You play this game all the time and ya know what, Josh? The game is getting tiring," I said, getting frustrated and finally fighting back.

That felt good. Powerful, even. I liked yelling at him. I finally spoke my mind against him and it felt good. I could get used to it. I probably should get used to it. Yelling at him helped me feel like me again. I missed feeling that strong and powerful again. Hell, I missed being a bitch. I never thought I would miss being a bitch but I did. It was part of who I was, whether I was ever willing to admit it or not.

"Would you rather I try something new?" Josh asked me with a sinister tone, his eyes dark.

"Like what? Hurt me? Been there, done that, babe," I retorted with a small, cold smile.

"And don't you miss it?" He asked and I couldn't help but scoff. "I know I do."

Josh came after me and I moved out of the way. He moved towards me so fast that I could barely see him coming. I had forgotten how quick he was. I barely got out of the way. He gave me cold eyes and shook his head every so slightly. He came after me again and that time I wasn't quick enough to move. He pinned me up against the wall and I let a small sound of pain escape my mouth as my back rammed into the wall. Josh grabbed my hands and held them over me with one of his own. He was strong. I didn't try to struggle. As much as I hated it, I knew he was stronger than me.

"What? You're not going to fight me?" He asked with a smile. "Good girl."

"I'm not an idiot, Josh! You're stronger than me, I know it. I'm not so naïve as to think I could fight my way out of this," I said and didn't like admitting it out loud. "But what are you going to do now? Rape me?"

"There's a first time for everything."

He had a point. But I wasn't going to let that be the first time. I wasn't going to let it happen. He was stronger than me and he our weighed me by about 50 pounds. I had to use my one power over him. I had to go after the only weakness guys have that girls don't. His body was pressed against mine so it made what I was about to do a little bit more difficult but not impossible. I raised my knee swiftly and shoved it right in between him legs. He did was I hoped he would. He fell to the ground, letting go of my arms.

I used the chance I had and ran. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. It wasn't until there was a door separating me and Josh that I realized my breath had quickened. I heart was beating fast and I was out of breath. I could tell by the feeling in my stomach that I was scared.

I turned around and saw the window on the far wall. I ran over to and tried to open it before I remembered that the window didn't open. I thought about trying to break it but quickly realized that the glass was far too thick. I started to panic and I couldn't help it. Damn it! What was I going to do? Before I could try and think of something, the door opened. Everything was happening so fast that I forgot to lock the door. Fuck!

My stomach tightened again and I turned around slowly only to find Josh staring at me. He was mad, really mad and I was trapped. There was no where for me to run to. And no one was close enough to hear me if I screamed. Shit! I couldn't do anything but look at Josh. My fear was so strong that I could taste it. I felt like a little kid who just got told that the monster under the bed was real.

"You shouldn't have done that, Shelby," Josh said, his voice a mix between condescending and angry.

He closed the door and locked it. Josh was pissed and I had no where to run. I pinned myself against the far wall and wanted to cry. I refused to let myself cry in front of him. It wouldn't have helped. The only thing it would have done was shown my fear and weakness, which was something I didn't want. I already knew how weak I was. The battle I was fighting against him had come to an end and I lost.

* * *

(**A/N**)-Thanks for all of the reviews from: **Melms213**, **Linkie**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GhostWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, **Mickey Ryan**,** Summerfly39**, **FrostySnake**, **kt**, **mary-023,rogue-angel07, Summerfly39, Keela-Shay Baxter, ac5000, JennyEngal, RainyAngel **and** HC Lvr. **You guys are the ones that keep writing. I'm happy you're all enjoying this fic even though it's very dark.

I know I said I was going to try and get an update up every 3 weeks but my AP Shakespeare project took president. Sorry. I hope you guys like this though. It was actually kind of difficult to write. Then again, this whole sotry is because of how dark it is. I have to be in a weird mood to right it. I think I like it but I'm not too sure. I'm like that a lot!

I'm going to be writing my 'FireFly' story next and then I'll be back to 'Higher Ground' with planning 'A New Life' and writing an 'All Because of a Play' chapter. Once again, I don't know when I'll get around to doing this though because first, my 'FireFly' fic is actually hard for me to write since it's a new genre for me and I've been busy with school and work. Hopefully it won't take too long though.

As always, please review and let me know what you think of this chapter!


	10. Freedom

I was trapped. Josh was in front of me with anger spread across his face. His eyes had darkness in them that let me know he was thinking of ways to hurt me. There was no place for me to run. There was nothing I could do. I was trapped in the bathroom with him and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I couldn't scream. I couldn't run. And I definitely couldn't fight him. He was too strong and I knew it.

My eyed followed him with every move he made. And with every step he took closer to me, I took one further away from him. Unfortunately, there were only so many steps I could take before I was walking myself back into the wall again. I wasn't helping things by moving away from him. Hell, if anything, I was making them worse. I was moving myself further away from the door and closer into a corner.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Josh said with his index finger moving back and forth.

Josh walked every so slowly and carefully to me. He had a grace to his walk that one couldn't learn; they were either born with it or not. He slid closer and closer towards me with his eyes still locked with mine. I wanted to back up more but there was no where for me to go. With in a moment, he was going to be in touching distance of me and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"What's wrong, _ma cherie_?" Josh asked with a sweet voice. "Are you growing weak?"

No reply would be a good reply so I didn't give one. If I said I wasn't, he would try even harder to break me. And if I said I was, he would use it against me. I stayed quiet. It was the only thing I could do. My gaze was still locked with his for a few moments longer before that darkness practically forced me to look away. His, and his actions may have been sweet, but his eyes betrayed him.

"Look at me," He said sweetly but I ignored his order and continued to stare at the ground. "Look at me!"

Josh pushed his body against mine, shoving me into the wall. I tried to fight it but a small sound of pain escaped my lips anyhow. I clenched my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip in order to stop another sound from leaving my mouth. I'd be damned if I let him see how much that hurt. And I refused to do what he wanted me to do. I knew he would hurt me for it but, if I couldn't beat him physically, I had to at least try to best him mentally.

Once I got over the shock of the impact, I opened my eyes and let go of my lip. It was only then that I noticed Josh staring at me so intently that it scared me. I either did something he really like, or something he really didn't like. Neither would be good. I kept my eyes fixed on him and tried to prepare myself for what was coming next.

"You look so sexy when you do that," He said breathlessly. "Biting your lip…and…that look of determination…it's…"

Before I could even think about how to respond or react to his words, his lips slammed onto mine in a bruising kiss. I tried to get away, pushing at him. He grabbed my hands and, with one hand, pinned them above my head. He shoved his mouth into mine and tried to force his tongue into my mouth. The pressure was finally too much to stand I had no choice but to open my mouth and let him enter. His tongue explored my mouth, pushing deeper and deeper. I felt like I was going to choke.

"You don't know what you do to me, Shelby," Josh said as he pulled away and let go of my hands.

His breath had quickened from the kiss and I couldn't blame him for that. I wasn't even enjoying or responding to the kiss and I was out of breath. I couldn't stop a glare from forming at his words though. What I did to him?! He practically tortured me, yet I'm the one to blame? That didn't make any sense. And it proved that Josh really was crazy.

"What I do to you?" I asked and shoved his body off of mine. "What about everything you've done to me? I loved you and you took advantage of that. You used my feelings for you as a way to keep me around so you could cause me more pain!"

Josh started to pace at my words. Something I had said hit him deep down. Did he actually feel guilty for everything he had done to me? Or did he not like the fact that I was throwing it in his face? Whatever it was, he didn't like what I said. He stopped pacing and turned to me with an expression that I couldn't decipher.

"No," He said with a shake of his head,

"Yes," I started with force.

"No!"

Josh whipped closer to me and hit me right across my jaw. I fell to the ground with the force of the swing. I was unconscious but I was out of it for a few moments. I'd been slapped around by him before but he never fully punched me. I stared at the ground, out of breath, for several, long moments before I turned my head to face him. I touched where I felt the most pain and felt warm, slick liquid on my finger tip. I was bleeding.

Josh's eyes seemed to narrow to the open wound on the side of my mouth. His breathing sped again quickly and he shook his head. He was mumbling something but I couldn't make out what it was. He screamed at the top of his lungs and fell to the ground next to me. He feel to his knees and I could have sworn that I heard him crying.

"You don't know," He said again and looked at me. "I love you."

I was expecting another beating, more harsh words. I could handle cruelty. But I wasn't expecting him to confess his love for me. That was the last thing I expected and the last thing I wanted in that moment. He always told me that he hurt me out of love and I never believed him. I thought, someone with that much hatred couldn't love someone. But the look that I saw in his eyes in that moment proved me wrong. He really did love me and, in his twisted mind, he was doing nothing wrong. I actually felt sorry for him.

No matter how sorry I felt for him, I couldn't let my guard down. He was on the floor, vulnerable. I could use that to my advantage. I just had to pray he wouldn't notice. I stayed as quiet as I possible could and made my way over to the floor. I slid across the ground for walking would have made to much noise. Once I reached the door, I stood up and risked a glance over to Josh. He was still on the ground. Good.

I looked back to the door and heard voices on the other side. Daisy and Juliet were back in the dorm. I wasn't sure if them being there was a good thing or a bad thing. If they were there, they could maybe help. But Josh could also get them involved, which would get them hurt. I didn't want anyone else getting hurt because of me. I could handle what he was going to do to me. But, not to sound condescending, I wasn't sure they could. And I didn't want to find out.

I moved my hand to the door knob. I tried to unlock it as quietly as I could but that small click was all Josh needed to come back from where he was. Before I really knew what was happening, he rushed over to me and pinned me against the door. Something close to a grunt escaped my mouth and I squeezed my eyes shut to help deal with the pain of the impact.

I opened my eyes and saw him in front of me with rage filling his face again. His hand moved to my side and he relocked the door. I knew my chance of getting away was too good to be true. I didn't get away and I further pissed Josh off. I hated to think it, but I was screwed. There was no hope of getting out of it.

"Shelby?" I heard Daisy call. I clenched my jaw. I didn't want her involved. "Shelby, are you in there?"

She tried to open the door but it was locked and there was no point. I looked to Josh and saw him with a strange look on his face. Either he was angry that Daisy was there or he was excited about it. Neither would be good because both would lead to more pain for me and pain for Daisy. I shook my head to Josh with pleading eyes. He laid his finger over my lips as if to say 'quiet.'

"Shelby, open the door," Daisy ordered.

"Daisy, Shelby's not going to open the door," Josh said, his voice full of cockiness again. "You see, Shelby and I are going to have some fun in here."

"Josh, you bastard, open the fucking door!"

"No. You see, I don't want you interrupting us. So, you're going to stay in the dorm and hear all of your friends cries of pain while I have my fun."

"If that's how it's going to go then you better pray to your God that I don't get in there," Daisy said with such hatred.

"Oh, I'm not worrying," Josh said with a smile.

I had never heard Daisy talk like that. It was amazing! She almost sounded like me. It was inspiring for me, actually. If the calm, content, Daisy could stand up to him, then the bitchy, strong Shelby could too. I had to stand up to him again. It was my only choice. Sure, it would piss him off more but it would make me feel better about myself. I would have gone down with a fight.

I heard the cabin door open but I looked back to Josh and saw that he obviously didn't hear it. I knew Daisy was still in the dorm for I heard her pacing right by the door. But I couldn't hear Juliet. I tried to listen more intently and there was nothing. Daisy was smart and was one step ahead of Josh. She sent Juliet somewhere. She had to of. Josh said Daisy had to stay in the dorm but he never knew Juliet was there to begin with.

Josh grabbed the front of my shirt and practically threw me across the bathroom. I knew I wasn't fat but he made me feel like I was as light of as a feather. He could pick me up and throw me like it was nothing. I hit the ground and something close to a scream left my mouth.

"Hear that, Daisy?" Josh asked with a grin. "That's just a taste of what you're going to be hearing."

Before I even had a chance to recover from the fall, Josh was in front of me, pulling me up from the ground. He grabbed one of my hands and pulled up me so quick that he could have pulled my arm out of it's socket but he didn't. Josh shoved me against the wall and held me there with his hands on my hips. He forced another rough kiss on me that I tried to get away from but, once again, couldn't. His fingers dug into my love handles and I had to force myself not to let out a sound of pain.

Josh's hands roamed my body and I was powerless to stop it. He was too strong. I had no hope of fighting what he wanted. I wasn't so naïve as to think I could get myself out of it. But I could sure as hell try. I wasn't going to go down like that. I wasn't the scared, helpless, little girl I was when I first met him. Horizon changed me, made me stronger. I needed to use that strength to my advantage.

"Get off me, Josh," I ordered.

"Make me," He replied with a grin.

His mouth trailed down my neck. It would have felt good if he wasn't so rough with it. There was once a time when I put up with it simply because it wasn't Walt. I thought, I could deal with another man touching me, any other man. But, thinking about it, I'm _not_ going to put up with it because of another man. Josh wasn't Scott, plain and simple. Only Scott got to touch me like that.

Josh told me to make him get off of me, so that was exactly what I was going to do. I may have been defeated but I wasn't dead. I was still me! I raised my hands to his chest and pushed with all my might. He stumbled off of me but didn't fall and didn't go as far as I would have liked him to. Pushing him felt good, it felt like something I would do. The second I saw Josh's face, I almost regretted it. No matter how nice the push felt, it pissed him off.

Josh rushed towards me and pinned me against the wall. He held me arms so tight that I knew I would have bruises from it. It was nothing new. He loved to grab me like that so it was actually what I expected him to do. It was pathetic that I knew how he would like to hurt me.

"That wasn't very nice, _ma cherie_," Josh said, his mouth so close to my face that I could feel his breath.

"I told you to stop calling me that," I stated.

Josh gave me a smile that told me he was thinking of a million more ways to hurt me. I could handle the pain, it was nothing new to me. As long I wasn't acting like a scared girl while receiving it, I was okay. He tightened his grip on my arms and I had to clench my jaw to stop another sound of pain from leaving my mouth. I'd be damned if I let him see the pain.

"You didn't honestly think I was going to listen to that, did you?" He asked.

"I wasn't counting on it, if that's what you mean," I replied with a small smirk.

Josh forced another kiss onto my lips and stayed tense the entire time. I didn't respond and I pretended not to even notice that he was kissing me. He ripped his mouth off of mine and gave me a determined look. He didn't like the fact that I was unaffected by his kiss. I knew it would piss him off and the thought brought joy to me. I didn't want him happy. I didn't want him angry either but I definitely didn't want him happy.

Josh moved his mouth down my neck. His tongue trailing over my skin sent chills down my spine and made me shiver. It was what he wanted but I couldn't control my body in that moment. He gently nibbled his way to my collar bone. He licked along the bone with quick flicks of his tongue before his bit me, hard and fast. I flinched from the pain, I couldn't help him.

Josh turned his eyes back to me. He squeezed my arms a little tighter as he clenched his jaw. I bit my bottom lip to stop a cry and it caused him to smile. I forgot that he liked that. It was too late for me to change what I had already done though. I let go of my lip and did my best to relax in his hands. I knew I wouldn't be able to fully but it seemed to hurt less when I didn't struggle.

"I miss making you get that face," He stated.

"What face?" I asked.

"The one where you're trying to hide the fact that I'm hurting you."

"Well, I stopped. You know you're hurting me and that's enough. Showing it won't do a damn thing."

"You're learning."

"Yeah, and I don't want you to have another nervous break down at me biting my lip."

"You are a feisty little one, _ma cherie_," Josh said with a smile.

The nick name was really starting to bother me. I never liked it before but he was getting really bad with it. He was saying it mostly to piss me off too, and I knew it. If there was anyone who knew how to push my buttons, it was Josh.

"Stop calling me that," I stated.

I pulled my arms free from his grip and quickly raised my hands to his chest. I pushed him, using all the strength I had, even in my legs. He stumbled away from me and went pretty far that time. It felt so good to push him; to get him off of me. I hated not being in control. I hated feeling helpless.

"I'm not your fucking _cherie_, Josh," I almost yelled. "I'm not your anything!"

"Oh, yes, you are," Josh countered. "You may not want to admit it but you are mine."

"Me having scars from you doesn't make me yours."

"You were willing for everything I did to you, Shelby," Josh said with a chuckle and a shake of his head. "Don't try putting all the blame on me. I wasn't the whore who got into anyone's car."

"No, you were just the one who used the whore for your own sadistic means," I said.

"You knew what I was about when you got in my car. I didn't lie or sugar coat anything. You knew what I liked and what I would be paying you for that first night and every night after that!"

Josh gave me his cold, almost deadly, smile. He licked his lips and kept his dark eyed fixed on me. I felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach again; fear. He wasn't touching me, he wasn't even close enough to touch me but I was afraid of him. He wasn't physically attacking me but he was severely attacking me verbally.

"So, tell me, how is all of this my fault?" He asked, innocence flowing from his words.

He was right. Everything that happened to me was my own fault. I was the one who got into his car, night after night, knowing what he would do to me. I stayed at his house, I let him hurt me. He never forced anything on me. I felt even more disgusting than I normally did. Josh was right. It was all my fault. Upon realizing that, I realized that he was going to get exactly what he wanted. I could fight all I wanted but he would still win.

A tear slid out of the corner of one of my eyes and down my cheek. I lost. I didn't like having Josh throw all of that at me but even more than that, I didn't like that Daisy was right outside the door, hearing everything he was saying. How could she ever look at me again? She told me before that I was strong for what I did but was I really? After getting the whole truth from both sides, would she still believe that I was strong for what I did?

I couldn't help but think that maybe Daisy was right though. She didn't lie or sugar coat things either. If she told me I was strong for what I did, then she truly thought I was strong for what I did. And if Daisy thought I was strong then I must be, right? She knew me and understood me better than anyone else in the world, even Scott. I couldn't let her down. I had to force myself to believe what Daisy believed. I had to be strong! There was no other choice. If Josh was going to take me, then he was going to take me kicking and screaming. I wasn't that girl anymore.

"It's not all your fault, Josh," I said. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to sit here and take it like I use to."

"That's right. You're strong now," He said with mock sarcasm in his voice.

Before I could respond, he rushed towards me again. I tried to get away from him by ducking but it didn't work. It was as if he knew what I was going to do and he fell to the floor with me. He got on top on me and pinned my arms over my head with one of his hands. She tried to struggle but it did no good. He was straddling my waist and prevented me from being able to move much.

I heard muffled voices from the other side of the door and I didn't like the sound of them. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw as I realized that the voice that spoke loudest was Peter. I didn't want him to know and I sure as hell didn't want him to see me like that. It didn't matter if I was fighting or not, I was still beaten. I wasn't the Shelby he had imprinted in his mind. The Shelby that was there was strong and never lost a battle. I was a picture of the complete opposite.

"Josh get off of me," I stated softly as I opened my eyes.

"No," He replied.

I heard Peter scream my name from the other side of the door. With out my consent, a tear fell from one of my eyes. I looked past Josh and saw the door move a little but not open. It was locked and he couldn't get in. Sure, he probably had the key somewhere but if I knew anything it was that Peter wouldn't leave that door until I was out of the bathroom. He cared about his students to much and he always wanted to save us. But he couldn't save me from Josh. I had to save myself.

"Get off of me!" I repeated with more force.

Somehow, I managed to wiggle my hands free from his grip. I moved my hands to his chest and without thinking, I pushed him as hard as I could. The force was enough to get him off of me. I moved away from him and towards the wall again but there was only so far I could go before my back was being pushed against the wall.

"Why do you have to anger me further?" Josh asked me.

"What can I say?" I said and stood up. "It's too much fun."

Josh rushed towards me and smacked me clear across my cheek. I felt like my eye was going to explode as I fell to the floor again. It was on the other side than he had hit me before so both sides of my face hurt. Great! That was all I needed. I held the side of my face as I sat at his feet.

The next thing I knew, I saw and heard the door fly open and Peter's foot land on the floor of the bathroom. He walked through the threshold and I couldn't stop a smile from appearing on my face. Josh must not have cared that Peter was in the bathroom though for before I knew it, he was trying to swing at me again.

Peter came up behind me and prevented Josh from taking another step towards me. He wrapped one of his arms around Josh's neck in a choke hold while he used the other to grab one of his arms. Peter moved his arms enough to slam Josh against the wall. He grabbed both of his arms and pulled them behind me as if he was going to hand cuff him. But it was obvious that Peter had no hand cuffs. Instead, he just held his hands with one hand and continued to push his head against the wall with the other.

"Are you okay?" Peter asked with such a sincere tone.

I couldn't find my voice to speak so I nodded. I wasn't okay, obviously, but I knew I would be with Peter there. I didn't care how cheesy or childish it was, Peter was my hero. Not just for rescuing me from Josh either. He saved me in so many ways that I couldn't even name. He was the Father I never had and the friend that I needed.

When I finally looked away from Peter, I saw everyone pour into the bathroom. Not just Daisy and Juliet but Sophie, Scott, Ezra, David and Auggie too. My whole family came rushing into the bathroom and towards me. Sophie bent down next to me and started to check my wounds before I had the chance to tell her not to bother.

"Sophie, go call Curtis," Peter ordered. "I have a feeling that what Josh here did was against the law."

I smiled at Peter's joke while Sophie protested with, "What about Shelby?"

"I'll take care of Shelby," Scott said.

"We'll take care of Shelby," Daisy corrected.

"Meanwhile, I'll take care of my new buddy," David said and walked over to Josh.

"We'll take care of our new buddy," Auggie corrected.

I smiled and watched Sophie and Juliet run to go call Curtis and probably get other help. Scott and Daisy both knelt down by me but they both knew me well enough to not look over my wounds. I knew they cared that I was hurt but they knew I didn't want to babied. Sophie knew me well too but she always had a Motherly instinct to tend our wounds and that was something I would never be able to break.

I looked over to Josh and felt suddenly safe with everyone there. It wasn't that Peter was holding him or that I had two very protective brother-like people willing to cause him all types of pain either. It was the fact that I had my family there. Everyone was there and on my side. My support system was supporting me and it made me feel strong, which caused me to feel safe.

Auggie moved to hit him but Peter stopped it. I almost frowned at it but I stopped myself.

"Come on, Peter, just one hit," Auggie pleaded.

"As much as I would love to let you, Auggie, I can't," Peter said.

Auggie nodded but it was in obvious disappointment. David didn't like being said 'no' to either but he accepted it, so did Auggie. They both understood that Peter couldn't let them hurt him. Granted, Peter already had his fun with Josh by shoving him against the wall and having him a choke hold but that was for my protection. Peter wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for me and I knew it.

"Be happy you're not going to be here," Auggie said and stepped closer to Josh. He tried to back away but Peter's grip wouldn't let him move. "If you ever come near Shelby again, it will be the last thing you do as a free man. You touch her, you talk to her or you even think about her and you'll regret it. That's my sister you were messin' with and no one messes with my family. Remember that."

Auggie's words made me smile. He really was like a big brother to me. He would protect me from Josh and hurt him without me even having to tell him to and he wouldn't care if it cost him getting kicked out of Horizon or jail time. If there's one thing I know about Auggie, it's that he cares for others more than himself. I just happened to be one of those people he cared for; I really was like a sister to him.

"Thanks, Aug," I said with a small smile.

Auggie turned around and gave me a small smile that meant a million things at once. I couldn't even describe it, it was just something that only Auggie could do. Everyone could smile but Auggie's meant something. What it was, no one knew expect for the person he was smiling at but his smiles always meant something. And when it came to his family(us that is) it usually meant love. And, in Auggie's mind, no one fucks with the people he loves or they pay the consequences.

"Are you okay?" Scott asked me and I looked to him.

"You know me," I said with a smile. "I'm always okay."

Scott gave me a skeptical look. I reached out to him and patted him gently on the knee in assurance. I wasn't okay yet and I knew that but I also knew that I would be soon. Having everyone there was bringing me back to my old self already. Once Josh was gone, I would be me again, and I couldn't wait for it. I missed myself.

* * *

I sat in a simple wooden chair with my hands in my lap. I was the picture of a well behaved girl. Yeah, right. I was getting medical attention from my latest wounds from Josh. I hadn't been able to look in a mirror yet but I knew that my lip was slightly swollen, even if it had stopped bleeding. My cheek had a small bandage on it and I was told that it would be sore for several more days.

I didn't mind the pain. I could deal with pain, it was nothing new to me. Knowing that I wouldn't have to endure it again was really the thing that made me okay with it. I didn't loose the battle against Josh after all and I was grateful for it. I was finally feeling like me again and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed feeling strong, sarcastic and even bitchy. But most of all, I missed feeling free.

I stood up from the chair and turned around as I heard a groan of pain. I found Josh hand cuffed and being put in the back of a cop car. Right before he was pushed in the car, his eyes locked with mine. His look wasn't of anger or hatred like I had expected but a look of sadness and guilt. He actually felt bad for what he did to me. I almost wanted to tell them to let him go. It wasn't because of whatever kind of hold he had on me either. It was because he felt bad. But I didn't tell them to let him go. I couldn't forget everything he did to me.

I gave him a sad smile as she was being pushed into the car. It was all I could do. I couldn't forgive him but I couldn't fully hate him either. I couldn't explain but that was what it was. I couldn't change it.

I watched the car drive away as I stood in silence. I watched the car until it was out of my sight. I didn't know if I would ever fully be over Josh but I was grateful to have him gone so he couldn't test me anymore. Was I cured of him? I doubt it. But I was at least mostly over him. And that was a cheerful thought.

"Are you okay?" Peter asked from behind me.

"I am now," I said and turned to him. "Thank you, Peter."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I guess, I thought it would make you think less of me."

"I could never think less of you, Shelby."

"But I was always the strong one of the group; the lone who survived through so much."

"And you still are."

"You're the one who rescued me, Peter. How can you say that?"

"I was outside the door, Shelby. I heard you fighting him," Peter said and pulled me into a sort of half hug. "You fought your monster and, in the end, you won."

I smiled at the thought. I did fight him but I wasn't the one who won the battle. Peter won the battle for me. I thought that I should feel ashamed about that but I wasn't. I was okay with letting others help me. And knowing that Peter didn't think less of me because of my history with Josh was a comforting notion.

Peter gave a soft squeeze. Everyone else joined in on the hug. I didn't even know everyone else was there until they were all hugging me. Peter, Scott and Daisy were closest with everyone else surrounding us. I liked being in the middle of the hug. I was like the smallest puppy in the litter when they all slept together. It was nice, comforting. They all helped save me. The whole moment made me smile.

I was haunted by my past and my monster did the best he could to beat me. But, in the end, I won the battle. I was free of him. And it was thanks to everyone who was hugging me. They all helped grant my freedom.

* * *

(**A/N**)-Thanks for all of the reviews from: **Melms213**, **Linkie**, **Tracy**, **Mandy**, **Delia**, **GhostWriter**, **Anna**, **Trisha**, **Mickey Ryan**,** Summerfly39**, **FrostySnake**, **kt**, **mary-023,rogue-angel07, Summerfly39, Keela-Shay Baxter, ac5000, JennyEngal, RainyAngel, Sasha, RedJewel2662 **and** HC Lvr. **Thank you guys so much for following me through this whole story.

So, 'Haunted' has come to an end and on a happy note. I normally don't like the whole happily-ever-after things but it worked for this. I couldn't picture Shelby to just let this type of stuff happen to her. Also, I'm sorry this chapter might sort of drag on. I was dead set on having Shelby end strong but she wasn't letting me. The Shelby in my mind was so damn scared of Josh that she couldn't bring herself to conjure up her strength until Daisy got involved. I also liked the fact that I made Peter come to the rescue sort of. Shelby became strong again and started fighting Josh but I wanted to show that, yes, Peter was a good guy but he was willing to do what I took to protect his students, who were like his children. Okay, now I'm rambling. Feel free to ignore me. ;-)

I know I said I was going to start 'A New Life' and I'm sorry for letting you guys down on that. I just didn't think it would be fair to all my readers to start another story without first finishing one of them. I wouldn't update often(not that I really do now and I'm sorry for that) because I would be swamped with stories. I'm writing my FireFly fic next and then I will start ' A New Life'. I do have it all planned out. Then you'll get a 'Memories' chapter. After that, I'm not sure what will happen.

Thank you all so much for supporting me through out this whole story, despite how dark it is. This is by far my darkest work and it was my first POV fic in full. Thank you all for reading! You have no idea how much it means to me that you guys enjoy my work, even if my mind is a little screwed up sometimes.

As always, please review and let me know how I finished out my dark story!


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